Inauguration Recap

Well, I didn't watch the inauguration because I have this thing.....it's called a job. Considering the current state of affairs with the economy, I'd actually like to keep it.

So, since some people had to work so that 2 million people could go stand in the bitter cold to watch Obama on a jumbo-tron and those with a little more sense could stay home and watch it, I went to work to do my part to keep the crafts industry going. (Your welcome.)

But, I did see some of the highlights.

Apparently, Aretha Franklin's hat was THE big highlight.



Apparently, it has become quite the fashion rage as demonstrated by the photos in this link:

Aretha's Hat is EVERYWHERE!

I saw a little bit of the parade. This was one thing that really caught my eye. It was the Lesbian and Gay Band Association. Check out that drum major!




And that's about all I have to say about the inauguration itself. I didn't watch the evening news because it has become such an Obamafest. He can do no wrong, he can say no wrong, and as of 12:01 pm Tuesday, the sun came out, birds began singing, and all became right with the world....according to the news.

I mean, the Obama coins, and the Obama commenorative plates, and people naming children, schools and streets after him is one thing. But there are some people that think that just like Yul Brenner's Pharoah in "The Ten Commandments", so it is written, so it shall be done. Because Obama said so.

The credit cards are going to be paid off, the mortgage will be gone, it won't cost anything to go to the doctor, everybody will have a good job, and everyone will make a decent living.

Obama is just, well, MAGICAL!

I was a bit skeptical.....until this morning. Obama appeared to me.....in my breakfast! Check out my toast!!!!! (Sorry, but I couldn't resist!)

Rock of Yuck!

Last night, I wasted one hour of my life that I will never get back. I stumbled across a TV show called "Rock of Love Bus." It's not a reality show, per se....it's crap TV.

For the unfamiliar, here's the premise. Bret Michaels is the lead singer of a group called Poison. He's trying to find (ahem) true love. He's looking for something all right, but it ain't true love and he ain't choosy! This show is now in it's third season, so obviously he's still looking.

Now...here's a word of warning for the faint of heart. If you should decide to watch this show (VH1 on Sunday at 9pm), there is no amount of showering that will keep you from feeling so nasty after watching this show. I swear, the girls that he is picking from would make a "lot lizard" at a south Georgia truck shop look like Faith Hill. (No offense to Faith.)

I'm not sure what is worse than a skank, but these girls are an absolutely insult to the word "skank." Get the picture? They are N-A-S-T-Y!!!!!! You might want to consider sitting WAY back from the TV if you watch it lest some sort of STD cootie leaps through the TV screen look for a place to hang out.....I'm just saying. And when you're done watching, you might want to spray the TV down with Lysol.

If you want to get a general idea of what I'm talking about....here's the pack of ho's that Mr. Michaels is choosing from that will, as he says....(and this is a direct quote!) "Rock my World."

Now....since I've already gone to the trouble of watching this, I'll clue you into a few of these ho's to watch out for.

Marcia - Marcia is from Brazil and she is crazy....not crazy in a funny way, but crazy in that b*tch might just haul off and kill somebody way. If you watch the show, look for her manic preparations in the bathroom to give Bret her "traditional Brazilian welcome." Prepare to barf....oh wait! That's Marcia's traditional Brazilian welcome!

Jasmineva - She's an ex-porn star. (Yeah....I was shocked.)

Nikki - I've heard of body shots....but this "thang" actually invited Bret to drink a shot from her....well....let's just say it was somewhere between her knees and her belly button....and it wasn't her belly button. That was too nasty for even Marcia! Then....here's the funny part! She wanted to sing a rap that she had written especially for Bret. So she read it from some notes that she had written down......on a piece of paper that had printed in big, bold letters: GENITAL HERPES TREATMENT. (Oh, Bret....she really seems to be the take home to meet mama type!)

So, here's the deal. Bret's on tour. So all of these skanks are going on tour with him. Each episode, some of them get sent home, and Bret asks the others to stay and "rock my world."

Bret has his own bus. The skanks are divided into two separate buses: a pink one and a blue one. Actually, they are petri dishes on wheels. (Did I mention how nasty these ho's are?) They are going from city to city to party with Bret and God only knows what else.

A few months ago, I was riding up I-75 on a Sunday afternoon. Just before I got to Delk Road, I noticed a tour bus pulled over in the emergency lane. As I passed it, I noticed that it had a huge picture of Bret Michaels on the side with the words "Rock of Love Tour". I had no idea what it was about at the time....but now I know. This was Bret's bus....not one of the ho buses, but Bret's actual bus. It was on the show last night.

Thankfully, I was in my Prius with the windows up rather than in the BMW with the top down so I was safe from the STD cooties. However, I did notice that the grass along that stretch of road died a few days later. Coincidence? I think not.

I'm back!!!!

OK....I took a break for the holidays, so sue me. Actually, just like before, there was nothing much going on except for the stress of one project at work, I had a cold that I had a time getting over, busy Christmas shopping, etc.

But....now I'm off until January 2, 2009....I've slept late, vegged out, unwound, and I'm back and ready to go.

As for news, Christmas was good. I got some good stuff, had fun with family, had fun with the dogs, and it's been good just to think about nothing for a change.

I saw "Marley and Me" yesterday. (I won't spoil it, but if you have not read the book, bring tissues.) It wasn't the movie I wanted to see. I actually wanted to see either "Frost/Nixon" or "Gran Torino" but since neither of them star Larry The Cable Guy, they won't be playing at the Paulding Metro Mont. So that means I have to venture into Cobb County if I want to see either of them.

Speaking of "Gran Torino", one of the cable movie channels is doing a "Countdown With Clint" moviethon on New Year's Eve! Just think! Wall to Wall Clint Eastwood! I'm hoping they show the entire Dirty Harry series along with "Play Misty For Me", "Bronco Billy", and "Honkeytonk Man". Those are my favorite Clint flicks. But it looks like it is going to be "Heartbreak Ridge", "Josie Wales", "Fistful of Dollars" and "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly". I like the Spaghetti Westerns, but I'm a sucker for Harry Callahan! But, I'm just happy spending New Year's Eve with Clint.

So that brings us to today. Today was my brother Ron's 50th birthday. I went to Publix and ordered a NASCAR cake for him. I started to have a Hannah Montana cake done, but I decided that since 50 was a pretty big occasion, I'd go with NASCAR. We all met over at my parents house, had a party, then adjourned to the living room to talk.

I got a little bored, so I got on my dad's computer and started looking for message boards and review sites.

Don't ask me why or how, but I began looking for the reviews of "The Snuggie". Snuggies, for the uninitiated, is the latest POC (Piece of Crap) that "As Seen On TV" offers up as a gift idea. For all intensive purposes, if you own a robe, then put it on backwards....you now own a Snuggie! (And I just saved you $19.95!) It turns out, the Snuggie has undergone an evolution of sorts. A few years ago, it was being sold as a POC called "The Slanket". Go figure.

My brother and I had a grand ole time reading some of the reviews of the various infomercials. My sisters-in-law just could not understand why we were laughing so hard. So I'm putting this up to a vote. Are we weird or are these just not absolutely hysterical?

Informercial Reviews of Nads, My Lil Reminder, Listen Up, and Magic Bullet.

(The review of Listen Up had my brother and me crying, we were laughing so hard.)

Now, here's a review of Magic Bullet To Go. I haven't actually seen this one, but I have seen it's predecessor. This review is absolutely priceless....especially the comments about Berman and Hazel "doin' it". (I'm with the crew on this....eewwww. )

Magic Bullet To Go Review

I like this gem from the Original Magic Bullet Review:
"Here's an idea for a Magic Bullet recipe: Blend together some garlic, gin, and stale cigarette ash, and you'll have a good idea of what it's like to French kiss Hazel." (ewww..!)

On this same site, I found this goldmine! (I had no idea Richard Simmons was into dolls!)
...check out the review of "Lillian, Belle of the Ball".

Richard Simmons Dolls

Wow....just wow....This apparently is an actual product!

So it is this one.....(I haven't seen this product, but if the actual infomercial is anything like the review, then this is just sick.)

A review of "The Snuggie"

Now, this is just pathetic!!!!!! The Cathy Mitchell Fan Club

Scratch that....this is even MORE pathetic!!!! Magic Bullet Fan Fiction

Let's switch over to "real" tv.

How about some serious "Little House on The Prairie" debate? Did Alice Garvey really use Mary and Adam's baby as a battering ram to escape the Blind School fire? Did Sylvia getting raped by the clown cause YOU to be scared of clowns? Did you wonder why the "Big Hair" of the 1980's was the rage in the 1870's? Did it tick you off that Michael Landon recycled old Bonanza scripts into LHOTP episodes? Did it tick you off that the TV version of LHOTP was nothing like the actual books and did you wonder if Michael Landon actually READ the books before producing this show? Check out Laura's teeth in the first three seasons of LHOTP and compare them to the last two seasons. Now answer this question: Who owned the Little Orthodontist's Office on the Prairie?

These are among the many topics discussed: Little House on the Prairie Review comments

Here's one of my favorites; the episode recaps of 7th Heaven: Television Without Pity

Again, maybe it's just that my brother and I have a sick sense of humor. But after reading these sites, I don't think we are alone.

My New Favorite Song!

Been sick, been busy, and been-jaminless (aka, no Benjamin updates.....yet.)

It's a catchy little tune that I just can't get out of my head.

Kiddie Games

When I was a kid, we played all of the usual games. But sometimes we made up our own rules out of necessity or just because.

Take baseball, for instance. We never seemed to be able to round up enough kids to play a baseball game in someone's back yard. So we added certain "incentives". Usually, it went something like this:

"Your team can bat first."

"Well....I don't know. It's almost time for Officer Don's Clubhouse."

"OK...how 'bout you get four outs instead of three."

"Hmmmm...."

"Oh....come on! How 'bout you get four strikes to an out instead of three?"

"OK!............."

This usually worked for circumstances such as it was too hot outside, one team had one person less than the other, or the team you were on was crappy to begin with.

Then there were the "ghost men". Since usually each team might have only three players on it, you might be on base when it came your turn to bat. So what you had to do was call "ghost man" on whatever base you were on. If you got a hit, your ghost man automatically advanced to the next base. The downside was that you could never tag a ghost man out, because after all....he was a ghost man. (That rule really sucked.)

Monopoly

We loved playing Monopoly as kids....but the problem was that it took so long to play. One evening, my brothers and I started up a game. We set it up on our living room floor and began playing.

Well, before long, it came time for bed and we were no where NEAR finished with the game. So, we talked our mom into letting us leave the board out on the floor so we could pick up where we left off the next morning.

Off to bed we went. Did I mention that we had a little dog? Well, we did. Her name was Lady and she was housetrained.

However, for whatever reason she felt the need to "go" in the middle of the night after everyone had gone to bed. And she "went" right on Pennsylvania Railroad.

From that day forward, Pennsylvania Railroad became known as "Doo Doo Spot Railroad". I think the reason is fairly obvious.

And, if you were unfortunate enough to land on "Doo Doo Spot Railroad", you could buy it for $100 instead of the actual selling price of $200. After all, it was now considered to be distressed property.

Our Car Game

This one is loosely based on the car tag game.....very loosely!

OK....before I explain this one, let me just preface this one with a little bit of background. First off, I grew up in The South. (Note the capitalization.) Secondly, this was the 60's. Lastly, I grew up in an all white neighborhood and went to an all white school. (Do you sort of get where I'm going with this?)

The name of the game was "Gotcha!". My brothers and I kept our eyes peeled for people. The first rule was the people had to be black. The second rule was the minute you saw one, you held up your hand in a grabbing motion and whispered "Gotcha!". Whoever saw the person first was the one that got to claim "Gotcha!" Whoever had the most at the end of the trip, won. No prize involved....you just got bragging rights.

It wasn't the most politically correct game in the world, but let's face it. If you are a parent driving a nine year old, an eight year old, and a five year old on a two hour trip and they are contentedly playing a nice game of "Gotcha!" versus whining over who's on who's side, she's looking at me, asking if we are almost there every five minutes, make him stop kicking me.....I think that parent would gladly say "Hey kids. Why don't y'all play Gotcha for a little while."

Roundup

The Election

It's over. My guy didn't win. It's gonna be a L-O-N-G four years. Some wise person once said "Sometime's you have to suffer through a Jimmy Carter before you can get a Ronald Reagan."

My Thirty Year High School Reunion

I decided to go. My observations:

1. D@mn! Some of y'all got old!

2. No big surprises. Anyone that was in the closet stayed in or stayed home. Everyone that was a guy when I graduated was still a guy and everyone that was a girl when I graduated was still a girl.

3. To the organizers: Next time, you might want to consider not opening the cash bar until *AFTER* the class picture has been taken.

4. To the class picture photographer: I guess it was a good idea to take 6 pictures after all. (I was afraid to look....did Jimmy, Ray, and Randy really hang a moon in the last picture?)

5. Funniest Moment: When Roger nominated Larry as "Least Changed Female".

6. Best Surprise: Seeing Mrs. Kolter! Best English teacher ever and still just as sweet.

7. Huh?: I looked in the class directory and noticed the majority of addresses were in Acworth, Marietta, Hiram, Dallas, Douglasville. And the reunion was at the Hilton in NORCROSS????

8. What y'all waiting on?: To the few that are still living in Mableton and Austell, I have but one question. WHY?????

9. Second funniest moment: OK...this one takes some explaining. Two classmates had gotten married about 20 years ago and got divorced about 15 years ago. The guy was there with his current wife. Someone asked him if his ex was coming. He said, "I'll tell you EXACTLY what she told me. She said....and I quote.....I didn't like a lot of those folks when I was GOING to school so WHY would I want to PAY to see them now?" The person that asked the question said "Well, screw her!" Current wife says, "Why don't I call her so you can tell her in person?" Ex-husband agrees to it and gathers 20 or so people over while current wife dials the phone. Connie answers...Randy says "I'm here at the reunion and everyone here wants to tell you something" then holds up the phone. Crowd shouts "SCREW YOU!" (It was a joke....Connie thought it was hysterical....but I'm sure Randy and Dana will pay for it later.)

10. All in all.....I'm glad I went.

The Deer Hunter

I have an uncle....(yes, it's the one I've spoken of MANY times). One of the things about him is that when he takes an interest in something, it becomes an obsession. An obsession to the point that it begins to become downright annoying to others.

That brings us to this story.

I was probably about 9 or 10 when Benny discovered deer hunting. On almost every visit we made to Elberton that year, Benny spent the bulk of it in the woods.

My grandparents had a spread of about 40 acres. They had about a five acre pasture, another couple acres of a yard, another acre or so was devoted to gardening and another few acres contained an orchard. The rest was wooded land. And this was where Benny began planning for the big day.....aka "The First Day of Deer Season."

He began early in the spring.....going deep down in the woods, looking for signs of deer. He would come back and describe in great detail his findings.

We heard about the marks on the trees where the bucks would come to scrape their antlers.

We heard about the tracks he saw and how far into the woods he had followed them.

We heard all about the deer crap he saw. He'd describe the color, the shape, the size, and whether it was fresh or not. He could tell us what the deer had for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and what he had been snacking on. All the stuff you really want to hear about at dinner.

Spring moved into summer, and then more astute planning began. Millet and salt licks were placed strategically around the places that had the most deer crap. According to Benny, it appeared as though there were about 5 or 6 regular visitors to this deer toilet in the woods.

How he determined that there were 5 or 6, I'm not sure because obviously DNA testing was not available at that time. So I just took his word for it.

Eventually, it came time to build the deer stand. This was BEFORE the concept of portable stands, so it involved lugging lumber and plywood deep into the woods and constructing a seat that would allow you to perch in a tree high enough to allow you to view into the surrounding woods and hopefully bag the big one.

This was something that could not be done alone. So, with the help (and bribery) of my brother and cousin, the deer stands were built. Note that I said stands as in plural. This was part of the bribery.

Benny could not build the deer stands alone. Since Ron and Fred were the only ones willing to help him, the only way they would do it was if they were allowed to go hunting with Benny. Keep in mind that they were both about 12 at the time.

Benny reluctantly agreed to this arrangement. He thought that it would work out ok. He figured that once he woke them up at 4am they would immediately roll over and go back to sleep. Even if they got up, when they realized that it was about 40 degrees, they'd run back in the house and pile back up in the bed.

But Benny underestimated 2 twelve year old boys that really, really wanted to go down in the woods to kill a deer.

As the day drew closer, the salt licks were removed. Guns were cleaned and ammunition was readied.

So, the day finally came. The evening before, Benny told the boys that they needed to be on the stand by 4:30. So they had to be dressed and ready to go by 4am.

It was going to be cold, so they had to dress warm. ALL preparations HAD to be done before they went to bed on Friday, because he wanted to leave just as soon as he got dressed. (He figured if he made it as uncomfortable for them as possible, they'd just say never mind....it didn't happen.)

So Saturday finally arrived. By 4am, Benny, Ron, and Fred were on their way to their deer stands.

Benny put Ron on his stand first, then he got Fred situated. Then he went back to the car, got his Thermos of coffee and his rifle, walked back down into the woods, climbed on his deer stand and waited.

Then off in the distance, he heard something.

He put down his coffee and listened.

"Benny" the voice said. Benny knew who it was and he decided to ignore it.

"Benny" the voice said, again. Only this time, it was a little more pathetic.

"Ronald," Benny whispered loudly. "Shut UP! You're going to scare the deer off."

"But, Benny.....I'm cold."

"Too bad. I told you and Freddie both last night this was the way it was going to be and this was EXACTLY why I didn't want y'all to come."

"OK.....so when do we get to go home?"

"Just be quiet.....OK?"

All was quiet....for about 5 minutes.

Then Benny heard something.

He put down his coffee and listened.

"Benny" the voice said.

"Benny" the voice said, again. This was even more pathetic than before.

"Good Lord! I give up! I'm taking BOTH of y'all home and I don't EVER want you to ask me to take you hunting again. Let's go get Freddie."

So, Benny stomped off into the woods, got Ron off his stand, and they walked along to where Fred's deer stand was. There was a problem, though. Fred was nowhere to be found.

Benny called him, but there was no answer. Dawn was just beginning to break. It was too far for Fred to have walked home and much too cold. They didn't know if Fred had just wandered off in the woods for a bathroom break or what. But it didn't matter because between both Fred and Ron, they had both really messed up the day that Benny had been waiting for for so long.

Benny told Ron they'd go to the car, get back to my grandparents' house to pick up my grandfather, then they'd have to come back DOWN to the woods to begin looking for Freddie. Benny was NOT happy.

They walked through the woods and finally came to the car.....which was running. Benny was quite pi$$ed at this point. Sound asleep, in the front seat, sat Fred.

Benny flung open the door. Fred woke up, and asked Benny if he had got a deer.

"NO!!!!! And just how long have you been in this car?"

"Oh...I don't know....about an hour or so," said Fred.

"Why weren't you on that deer stand?"

"Because it was cold! After you left me, I just climbed back down, walked back to the car and went to sleep."

"Look, I told both of y'all last night it was going to be cold, but both of you just insisted on coming. Why didn't you just stay home?"

Fred said "You said it was going to be cold, but you didn't say it was going to be THIS cold. If you had told us it was going to be REALLY cold, then we probably WOULD have stayed at home."

"That's right", Ron said. "So, it really is all YOUR fault."

Needless to say, Ron and Fred never again went on a hunting trip with Benny.