Very few people are aware of my childhood acting career. Yep, I was a child actress. Not a star of television or movies, but theatre.
I starred in productions such as "Pa Vacuums The Living Room", "Radford and Mary Helen's First Date", "Trup and Cookie Monster Go To Athens", and "Paula and Jennifer Tell Everyone What They Want for Christmas".
Each of these productions was produced, written, and directed by myself or one of my cousins and starred all of us.
Our stage was a 10 foot long solid granite picnic table that sat underneath two huge oak trees in my grandparents' yard. Our audience consisted of a couple of cows and six or seven goats.
Our productions were based on somewhat true events culled from the lives of various family members. In some cases, we just selected a few family members and made up an outlandish stories about them.
We did three performances a day; that gave each one of us a chance to be a different character in the story and interpret the story in our own way.
"Pa Vacuums The Living Room" was a comedy based on a true story. My grandmother was a meticulous housekeeper and my grandfather helped around the house. As my grandfather vacuumed the living room, my grandmother was right behind him telling him how he was doing it all wrong. We thought it was quite comical, so we wrote our own version of it.
"Radford and Mary Helen's First Date" was a fictional romantic comedy. The leading characters were my dad's first cousin and his wife. We had absolutely no idea as to what their first date was like, but I'm sure fairly certain that they did not spend the date telling each other how ugly the other one was and knocking the crap out of each other. (For the record, Radford and Mary Helen are still married, and to my knowledge have never called each other ugly and have never knocked the crap out of each other.)
"Trup and Cookie Monster Go To Athens" was a semi true account of my cousins' aunt, the aforementioned Trup, and my cousins' grandmother's trip to Athens. Cookie Monster (another of my cousin Ann's nicknames and another story for another time) was not the best driver in the world. Trup had described their adventure to my cousins in great detail....and letting them know in no uncertain terms that she had almost been killed 26 times in that trip.
In our version, Cookie Monster is oblivious to driving in the wrong lane, going through stop signs and traffic lights, and constantly chattering about how awful everyone else is driving.
Trup had one line that was repeated 117 times in the play: "Watch out!!! You're going to kill us both!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!" (AAAAAHHHHHH!! was rewritten especially for our play. If our grandmother heard us say what Trup actually said, which was "SSHHH****TTTT!!!!!" she would have yanked out her switch, which would have shut down our play immediately.)
"Paula and Jennifer Tell Everyone What They Want For Christmas" was another semi true story.
For the record, my brothers and I NEVER told my grandparents what we wanted for Christmas. The rule in our house was that under no circumstances do you TELL someone like a grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc. what they WILL get you for Christmas. If you happen to receive a gift from someone, no matter how you felt about it, you were to act like it was the best gift ever and thank the giver.
Paula (my aunt by marriage) and Jennifer (her daughter.....my cousin) were carbon copies of each other. Let's just say I was quite shocked when one Thanksgiving, Paula told Jennifer to run get the Sears catalog so that they could tell (not show....not ask....TELL!) my grandmother what she (my grandmother) was going to get them for Christmas. My grandmother listened, but I can't remember if she actually went and bought any of what she was told to get.
Our little play consisted of Jennifer and Paula telling my grandmother what they wanted her to get them for Christmas from the Sears catalog. I played the part of my grandmother. In my version, my grandmother whipped out her hickory switch and proceeded to chase both of them around trying to give them a good whippin' for being so impudent.
As we got older, one by one we retired from acting. We still had plenty of material to draw from, but the pay was not that great, the cows and goats began expecting more diverse material, and it got harder to answer "NOTHING!!" without laughing whenever my grandmother would holler out "What in the world are y'all doing?".
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Redneckville
According to the Paulding scanner, police had to be called to the Shell station at 12o and 92 because someone pulled a gun on someone else waiting for gas. Apparently, they thought someone had cut in line.
I also just read that no less than 6 police cars are in the Kroger parking lot at 278 and 61. A fuel truck is expected later on tonight and the parking lot is packed with cars waiting. I'm guessing after the episode at the Shell station last night, they aren't taking any chances.
Supposedly, this could continue for several more weeks. I'm not looking forward to this.
I also just read that no less than 6 police cars are in the Kroger parking lot at 278 and 61. A fuel truck is expected later on tonight and the parking lot is packed with cars waiting. I'm guessing after the episode at the Shell station last night, they aren't taking any chances.
Supposedly, this could continue for several more weeks. I'm not looking forward to this.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Taylor Swift - Part Deux
I just realized after rereading yesterday's blog that I overlooked one more Taylor Swift song category.....it's called Taylor's sad.
It goes like this:
Taylor meets boy.
Taylor likes boy.
Boy likes Taylor......as a friend.
Taylor wants boy as boyfriend.
Boy says no.
Taylor is sad.
Taylor writes song about boy and how sad she is and how his new girlfriend isn't so hot.
Taylor records song and sells a million copies.
It goes like this:
Taylor meets boy.
Taylor likes boy.
Boy likes Taylor......as a friend.
Taylor wants boy as boyfriend.
Boy says no.
Taylor is sad.
Taylor writes song about boy and how sad she is and how his new girlfriend isn't so hot.
Taylor records song and sells a million copies.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Diagram of a Taylor Swift Album
The very first time I heard Taylor Swift sing a song, I thought "Bleahhh." I don't really have anything against the girl, she just wasn't my cup of tea.
But, they've played her stuff so much on the radio that she's sort of grown on me.....so much so that I actually went out and bought her CD.
Usually, a CD will contain songs about different topics. A country music CD is a good example. For instance, a good country music CD will have a ballad or two about an ex or somebody that is dead or dying. It will also have a drinking song or a party song. It will have a song about kids and a spouse. It may have a song about a favorite place. And it will finish off with a song about how wonderful country music is, how they love everybody, and thank God for putting it all together.
Which brings us to Taylor Swift's CD. I believe she was all of was 17 at the time the CD was released. She wrote or cowrote all of the songs on the CD. Since she is underage, it just wouldn't be right for her to have a drinking song on the CD. She's too young to have kids or a spouse....well, technically she's not, but the executives on Music Row would just have a conniption fit if she did. I've never met her, so I don't know if she's ever had anybody die on her.
In other words, she's just a little young to have any serious stuff happen. She just finished high school, so the worst thing that has probably happened to her is that she wasn't able to get her parking sticker so she can drive to school or that Vivian Hatfield beat her out for first chair flute in the marching band.
So she really has nothing to draw on for songwriting material......except boys.
The Taylor Swift album consists of three basic types of songs:
A) Taylor's mad.
B) Taylor's bad.
C) Taylor's glad.
Let's disect example A: Taylor's mad. It goes like this:
Taylor meets boy.
Taylor likes boy.
Boy likes Taylor.
Boy does something to p*ss Taylor off.
Taylor gets mad.
Taylor writes song calling boy a scumbag.
Taylor records it and sells a million copies.
Now...let's look at example B: Taylor's bad. It's a little similar to Taylor's mad.
Taylor meets boy.
Taylor likes boy.
Boy likes Taylor.
Boy does something to p*ss Taylor off.
Taylor gets mad.
Taylor plots revenge.
Taylor chickens out because record company will drop her contract and she'll wind up in charge of blow drying Bill Anderson's toupee before his Grand Ole Opry appearances.
Taylor writes song about revenge, instead.
Taylor records it and sells a million copies.
Lastly, let's examine example C: Taylor's glad.
Taylor meets boy.
Taylor likes boy.
Boy likes Taylor.
Boy and Taylor so happy.
Boy doesn't do anything to make Taylor sad or mad.
Taylor writes song about how boy is so wonderful.
Taylor records it and sells a million copies.
Two days later, boy p*sses Taylor off.
Taylor pulls out notes for Taylor Swift song type A and B.
Taylor goes through this cycle 4 times to get enough material for a new CD.
Taylor goes records album, goes on tour and makes several million dollars.
Taylor's new CD goes on sale November 11.
But, they've played her stuff so much on the radio that she's sort of grown on me.....so much so that I actually went out and bought her CD.
Usually, a CD will contain songs about different topics. A country music CD is a good example. For instance, a good country music CD will have a ballad or two about an ex or somebody that is dead or dying. It will also have a drinking song or a party song. It will have a song about kids and a spouse. It may have a song about a favorite place. And it will finish off with a song about how wonderful country music is, how they love everybody, and thank God for putting it all together.
Which brings us to Taylor Swift's CD. I believe she was all of was 17 at the time the CD was released. She wrote or cowrote all of the songs on the CD. Since she is underage, it just wouldn't be right for her to have a drinking song on the CD. She's too young to have kids or a spouse....well, technically she's not, but the executives on Music Row would just have a conniption fit if she did. I've never met her, so I don't know if she's ever had anybody die on her.
In other words, she's just a little young to have any serious stuff happen. She just finished high school, so the worst thing that has probably happened to her is that she wasn't able to get her parking sticker so she can drive to school or that Vivian Hatfield beat her out for first chair flute in the marching band.
So she really has nothing to draw on for songwriting material......except boys.
The Taylor Swift album consists of three basic types of songs:
A) Taylor's mad.
B) Taylor's bad.
C) Taylor's glad.
Let's disect example A: Taylor's mad. It goes like this:
Taylor meets boy.
Taylor likes boy.
Boy likes Taylor.
Boy does something to p*ss Taylor off.
Taylor gets mad.
Taylor writes song calling boy a scumbag.
Taylor records it and sells a million copies.
Now...let's look at example B: Taylor's bad. It's a little similar to Taylor's mad.
Taylor meets boy.
Taylor likes boy.
Boy likes Taylor.
Boy does something to p*ss Taylor off.
Taylor gets mad.
Taylor plots revenge.
Taylor chickens out because record company will drop her contract and she'll wind up in charge of blow drying Bill Anderson's toupee before his Grand Ole Opry appearances.
Taylor writes song about revenge, instead.
Taylor records it and sells a million copies.
Lastly, let's examine example C: Taylor's glad.
Taylor meets boy.
Taylor likes boy.
Boy likes Taylor.
Boy and Taylor so happy.
Boy doesn't do anything to make Taylor sad or mad.
Taylor writes song about how boy is so wonderful.
Taylor records it and sells a million copies.
Two days later, boy p*sses Taylor off.
Taylor pulls out notes for Taylor Swift song type A and B.
Taylor goes through this cycle 4 times to get enough material for a new CD.
Taylor goes records album, goes on tour and makes several million dollars.
Taylor's new CD goes on sale November 11.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
A Typical Thread on the Paulding Message Board
If you ever want to start a flame war on a message board, all you have to do is go to the paulding message board and ask the following question:
"Who is that crazy black lady that walks up and down 278?"
That particular question is like throwing a malotov cocktail into a building and running away.
The responses will start off simple enough.
Someone might direct you to one of many earlier threads where this topic has been previously discussed.
Someone else will post one of those animated smiley emoticons munching on popcorn.
Someone will then post a picture of a margarita, beer, and other assorted alcoholic beverages.
Another will post something to the effect of "I'm going to go ahead and prepare the Hell Hole." The Hell Hole is a restricted forum where this thread more than likely will wind up.
Miss Jessie is the crazy black lady in question. She can be found just about anywhere in Hiram. She usually walks along US278 and occasionally visits the stores and businesses along this road.
Depending on who you talk to, she is either crazy as a bedbug or a genuinely sweet lady who would never hurt a fly.
The crazy Miss Jessie is a woman who talks to herself, cusses out cars as they go by, throws things at passing cars, and swears like a sailor.
The genuinely sweet Miss Jessie is a woman who has a kind word for everyone, yells "Hey Baybeee!!!" if you just simply say "Hey Miss Jessie", and she's completely rational.
And this is where the fun begins on the Paulding message board. (The following screen names are completely made up.)
newposter: Who's that crazy black lady that walks up and down on 278?
drsulu: Oh Dear Lord, do we REALLY have to go through this AGAIN?
newposter: I just moved here. So who is she?
redneck: She's plum crazy. She went crazy cause her daughter got killed by a speeder on 278
years ago. That's why she carries that switch and yells at cars. She's trying to get them to slow down.
yorkvillegrl: That ain't true. She never had a daughter and she ain't crazy. She's easy to talk to and she's just as sweet as she can be. Ever time me and my daughters are at the Walmart and they see her, they yell "Hey Miss Jessie!" and she says "Hey darlins! Come here and give me a hug."
wyattrash: Oh yeah? The h*ll you say! My little girl saw her at Kohl's the other day and said "Hey Miss Jessie" and she said "Go to h*ll cracker b*tch!" Made me so mad! My girl had never heard the word "cracker" used that way before and I had to explain to her what it meant. I was hoping I wouldn't have to have that conversation with her until she was older.
yorkvillegrl: Did you ever stop to think she might be having a bad day?
wyattrash: Sure I've had bad days...but I wouldn't call a three year old girl a cracker b*tch just because she was saying hey.
rebeluvr: Are y'all sure that story about her daughter gettin' kilt ain't true? Val Jean, my hairdresser, said that her ex DIL's first cousin's best friend saw the whole thing happen. It was about 3 or 4 years ago. Said it was just the saddest thing she'd ever seen.
hiramho: Val Jean? Val Jean Waylock? Where's she working at these days? My bleach job needs a touch up somethin awful. I lost track of her after she left Kat's Krazy Kutz. I've been going to United Hairlines, but Tammy can't cut hair worth crap.
drsulu: I just cannot believe this!! Do we have to have this same debate about Miss Jessie every other month? It just gets so old.
redneck: look sulu. newposter is new to the board and new to the neighborhood. It's our obligation as citizens of Paulding to tell them the truth about Miss Jessie. She's crazy! Stay away from her! She's just scary!
meadow: Hiramho! I just sent u a PM about Val Jean!
dragstrip: Let me just tell you about my encounter with Miss Jessie. I was up at the Target the other day mindin my own business unloadin my groceries. I knew she was there but I didn't say anything to her, cuz she's crazy you know. She walked right by me, turned around and said "Whatchu lookin at, b*tch?" I started to tell her I was looking at some crazy old bat, but she had that switch and I made the mistake of leaving my pistol in my other purse.
hiramho: thanks meadow. I'll give Val Jean a call later on. You said she should be out of jail this afternoon?
yorkvillegrl: Look, for the last time, she ain't crazy! Everytime I see her she's always sweet and gives me a big ole' hug. Y'all should be nice to her instead of being mean to her all the time and you'd find out just how sweet she is.
pauldingpatriot: What's this about Val Jean being in jail? What happened?
wyattrash: pauldingpatriot, hiramho, and meadow....this thread is about that crazy Miss Jessie. If y'all want to talk about Val Jean gettin drunk last Saturday and getting into that cat fight with Bubba Turner's sister, create your own thread.
hiramho: wyattrash, who died and maid you owner of this thread? Dang, u act like u own this board.
wyattrash: who died and MAID you owner of this thread?" I guess you must have graduated from Hiram High since you sure can't spell.
hiramho: No, as a matter of fact I graduated from SP in 1992. I was valedictorian. I didn't realize we were getting graded on spelling on this board.
dallasangel: let me tell u about my Miss Jessie experience. I was at the Waffle House and she walked in. That new waitress Dana felt sorry for her so she bought her a cup of coffee. Miss Jessie cried and said "That's so sweet of you, baybeee. I love you." It was so sweet, it made me cry. So I bought her a waffle. She looked at me and said "What the h*ll is this, b*tch? Leave me the h*ll alone."
redneck: See? I told y'all she was crazy!!!!
wyattrash: hiramho! I graduated from SP in 1992. If you were valedictorian, then you must be Tammy L!!! I gave the benediction....I'm Kristi J!!
meadow: hiramho I wisht you hadn't posted about Val Jean being in jail and all. She told me not to tell anybody.
moderator: I'm going to set the posts about Val Jean to invisible since she's not here to defend herself. Also, everyone please refrain from calling Miss Jessie a crazy b*tch.
dragstrip: moderator, is it ok if I call her a crazy a$$ b*tch?
yorkvillgrl: dragstrip, she ain't no crazier then u r! She's a sweet person...she's just misunderstood.
moderator: dragstrip, please refrain from calling Miss Jessie a crazy a$$ b*tch.
dallasangel: ok....what about calling her a crazy old b*tch. Is that ok?
hiramho: or a mean ole b*tch. Can we just call her a mean ole b*tch?
wyattrash: yorkvillegrl, I finally figured out why u think Miss Jessie ain't crazy. U R just as crazy as she is so u just don't know what crazy is.
moderator: everyone, please refrain from referring to Miss Jessie as any kind of b*tch...it's not nice.
meadow: ok....so it's ok to call her just plain b*tch then, right?
moderator: JEEZ - LOUISE!!! NO!!!
rebeluvr: Who's Jeez-Louise? I don't believe I've seen her post here before. Welcome Jeez-Louise to the board....tell us about yourself Jeez-Louise!!!
moderator: ok...I've had it! I'm sending this thread to the Hell Hole and closing it.
"Who is that crazy black lady that walks up and down 278?"
That particular question is like throwing a malotov cocktail into a building and running away.
The responses will start off simple enough.
Someone might direct you to one of many earlier threads where this topic has been previously discussed.
Someone else will post one of those animated smiley emoticons munching on popcorn.
Someone will then post a picture of a margarita, beer, and other assorted alcoholic beverages.
Another will post something to the effect of "I'm going to go ahead and prepare the Hell Hole." The Hell Hole is a restricted forum where this thread more than likely will wind up.
Miss Jessie is the crazy black lady in question. She can be found just about anywhere in Hiram. She usually walks along US278 and occasionally visits the stores and businesses along this road.
Depending on who you talk to, she is either crazy as a bedbug or a genuinely sweet lady who would never hurt a fly.
The crazy Miss Jessie is a woman who talks to herself, cusses out cars as they go by, throws things at passing cars, and swears like a sailor.
The genuinely sweet Miss Jessie is a woman who has a kind word for everyone, yells "Hey Baybeee!!!" if you just simply say "Hey Miss Jessie", and she's completely rational.
And this is where the fun begins on the Paulding message board. (The following screen names are completely made up.)
newposter: Who's that crazy black lady that walks up and down on 278?
drsulu: Oh Dear Lord, do we REALLY have to go through this AGAIN?
newposter: I just moved here. So who is she?
redneck: She's plum crazy. She went crazy cause her daughter got killed by a speeder on 278
years ago. That's why she carries that switch and yells at cars. She's trying to get them to slow down.
yorkvillegrl: That ain't true. She never had a daughter and she ain't crazy. She's easy to talk to and she's just as sweet as she can be. Ever time me and my daughters are at the Walmart and they see her, they yell "Hey Miss Jessie!" and she says "Hey darlins! Come here and give me a hug."
wyattrash: Oh yeah? The h*ll you say! My little girl saw her at Kohl's the other day and said "Hey Miss Jessie" and she said "Go to h*ll cracker b*tch!" Made me so mad! My girl had never heard the word "cracker" used that way before and I had to explain to her what it meant. I was hoping I wouldn't have to have that conversation with her until she was older.
yorkvillegrl: Did you ever stop to think she might be having a bad day?
wyattrash: Sure I've had bad days...but I wouldn't call a three year old girl a cracker b*tch just because she was saying hey.
rebeluvr: Are y'all sure that story about her daughter gettin' kilt ain't true? Val Jean, my hairdresser, said that her ex DIL's first cousin's best friend saw the whole thing happen. It was about 3 or 4 years ago. Said it was just the saddest thing she'd ever seen.
hiramho: Val Jean? Val Jean Waylock? Where's she working at these days? My bleach job needs a touch up somethin awful. I lost track of her after she left Kat's Krazy Kutz. I've been going to United Hairlines, but Tammy can't cut hair worth crap.
drsulu: I just cannot believe this!! Do we have to have this same debate about Miss Jessie every other month? It just gets so old.
redneck: look sulu. newposter is new to the board and new to the neighborhood. It's our obligation as citizens of Paulding to tell them the truth about Miss Jessie. She's crazy! Stay away from her! She's just scary!
meadow: Hiramho! I just sent u a PM about Val Jean!
dragstrip: Let me just tell you about my encounter with Miss Jessie. I was up at the Target the other day mindin my own business unloadin my groceries. I knew she was there but I didn't say anything to her, cuz she's crazy you know. She walked right by me, turned around and said "Whatchu lookin at, b*tch?" I started to tell her I was looking at some crazy old bat, but she had that switch and I made the mistake of leaving my pistol in my other purse.
hiramho: thanks meadow. I'll give Val Jean a call later on. You said she should be out of jail this afternoon?
yorkvillegrl: Look, for the last time, she ain't crazy! Everytime I see her she's always sweet and gives me a big ole' hug. Y'all should be nice to her instead of being mean to her all the time and you'd find out just how sweet she is.
pauldingpatriot: What's this about Val Jean being in jail? What happened?
wyattrash: pauldingpatriot, hiramho, and meadow....this thread is about that crazy Miss Jessie. If y'all want to talk about Val Jean gettin drunk last Saturday and getting into that cat fight with Bubba Turner's sister, create your own thread.
hiramho: wyattrash, who died and maid you owner of this thread? Dang, u act like u own this board.
wyattrash: who died and MAID you owner of this thread?" I guess you must have graduated from Hiram High since you sure can't spell.
hiramho: No, as a matter of fact I graduated from SP in 1992. I was valedictorian. I didn't realize we were getting graded on spelling on this board.
dallasangel: let me tell u about my Miss Jessie experience. I was at the Waffle House and she walked in. That new waitress Dana felt sorry for her so she bought her a cup of coffee. Miss Jessie cried and said "That's so sweet of you, baybeee. I love you." It was so sweet, it made me cry. So I bought her a waffle. She looked at me and said "What the h*ll is this, b*tch? Leave me the h*ll alone."
redneck: See? I told y'all she was crazy!!!!
wyattrash: hiramho! I graduated from SP in 1992. If you were valedictorian, then you must be Tammy L!!! I gave the benediction....I'm Kristi J!!
meadow: hiramho I wisht you hadn't posted about Val Jean being in jail and all. She told me not to tell anybody.
moderator: I'm going to set the posts about Val Jean to invisible since she's not here to defend herself. Also, everyone please refrain from calling Miss Jessie a crazy b*tch.
dragstrip: moderator, is it ok if I call her a crazy a$$ b*tch?
yorkvillgrl: dragstrip, she ain't no crazier then u r! She's a sweet person...she's just misunderstood.
moderator: dragstrip, please refrain from calling Miss Jessie a crazy a$$ b*tch.
dallasangel: ok....what about calling her a crazy old b*tch. Is that ok?
hiramho: or a mean ole b*tch. Can we just call her a mean ole b*tch?
wyattrash: yorkvillegrl, I finally figured out why u think Miss Jessie ain't crazy. U R just as crazy as she is so u just don't know what crazy is.
moderator: everyone, please refrain from referring to Miss Jessie as any kind of b*tch...it's not nice.
meadow: ok....so it's ok to call her just plain b*tch then, right?
moderator: JEEZ - LOUISE!!! NO!!!
rebeluvr: Who's Jeez-Louise? I don't believe I've seen her post here before. Welcome Jeez-Louise to the board....tell us about yourself Jeez-Louise!!!
moderator: ok...I've had it! I'm sending this thread to the Hell Hole and closing it.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Total Transformation
I just saw a commercial for this product on television. According to the ad, the program describes how to stop arguments with your kids instantly, how to diffuse tantrums, etc. It also gives you 10 ways to turn your child's attitude around in one minute or less.
My dad had a product that did all of the above and more. It think he got it from the Sears & Roebuck catalog and I am sure that it can be found in most stores today.
This is a version of the product that my dad found very helpful: The Attitude Adjuster.
My mom, on the other hand, preferred another product: Mom's Lil' Helper.
Some mothers preferred products that served multiple purposes. For instance, I had a friend's mom who found this item to be quite helpful.
My aunt, on the other hand, preferred this wonderful product.
The sad thing is that the guy on the commercial is making a killing on his product, when all of the products above are actually much cheaper, readily available, and they make a lasting impression.
My dad had a product that did all of the above and more. It think he got it from the Sears & Roebuck catalog and I am sure that it can be found in most stores today.
This is a version of the product that my dad found very helpful: The Attitude Adjuster.
My mom, on the other hand, preferred another product: Mom's Lil' Helper.
Some mothers preferred products that served multiple purposes. For instance, I had a friend's mom who found this item to be quite helpful.
My aunt, on the other hand, preferred this wonderful product.
The sad thing is that the guy on the commercial is making a killing on his product, when all of the products above are actually much cheaper, readily available, and they make a lasting impression.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Trup and the Nerve Gas Train
When I was a kid, one of the highlights of our summer vacation was spending a couple of weeks at my grandparents' house.
They lived in Elberton. My cousins lived there, everyone knew everyone, and everyone there still remembered my dad even though he had long since moved away. Seems like everytime Carolyn would introduce Ronnie and me as her nephew and niece from Atlanta, the response was usually "These must by Kenneth's young-uns!" (No one there had children, kids, babies, etc....they all had young-uns.)
All of us cousins were just about the same age. Mr brother Ronnie is 16 months older than me, my cousin Freddie is 6 months older than Ronnie, Martha Helen is about 8 months older than me, and Ann is one year younger than me.)
Carolyn and Benny (my aunt and uncle) lived just down the road from my grandparents. Since six kids under one roof was a little too much for anyone, what usually happened was us girls would spend one day and night at my grandparents while Ronnie and Freddie stayed with Carolyn and Benny. Then we'd swap.
It was one thing to spend the day at my grandparents, but spending the night was another story entirely. For one thing, my grandparents went to bed early in the evening and they got up early in the morning. If you were staying with them, you were expected to do the same. Carolyn on the other hand, would let us stay up as late as we wanted and sleep as late as we wanted.
The other thing was the television. Again, Carolyn let us watch whatever we wanted. At my grandparents' house, if Lawrence Welk or Marlin Perkin's Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom was on, you might as well go outside and watch the grass grow because that tv channel was not getting changed.
My cousins had these two old maid aunts that lived in a huge, old house in the city. Occasionally, they would tell Carolyn to bring some of us by to spend the night with them. This was ok with us for several reasons. They would also let us stay up late and sleep late, their house was neat because it was so old and still had many of the original features, and they lived within walking distance of the town square.
Their names were Helen and Flora. We all called them Aunt Helen and Aunt Flora even though technically Ronnie and I weren't related to them at all. However, Helen had a nickname that she did not know about.
My cousin Ann had this penchant for pinning a nickname on people and the names she chose were both funny and spot on. She began calling Aunt Helen "Trup" (behind her back, of course.) The reason was because Aunt Helen could belch REALLY loud and she did not try to hide it.
When she did, it usually came out as "TTTRRRRRUUUUUUPPPPPP!!!!" Because it was so loud, so unladylike, and she was so unapologetic when she did it, all of us kids saw it as entertainment and would beg her to do it again and again and again. Today's kids with their high falutin' video games and computers have no idea what how much fun it is to have an aunt who can belch out some big ones on request.
Anyway, when I was about 10 years old, we were spending the summer at my grandparents and this particular time we were spending the night with Aunt Helen and Aunt Flora. I don't remember too much about that summer except that the big thing in the news at that time was that a nerve gas train coming through Elberton.
It seemed like anytime you turned on the news, everyone was talking about the nerve gas train. This particular train was carrying a shipment of nerve gas that was eventually going to be dumped in the ocean. Of course, absolutely no one wanted this thing coming through their town, but it had to go somewhere to get where it was going. So after much fuss and politics, a route was settled on and the train set off for the ocean. Part of its route was through Elberton.....and Trup and Aunt Flora lived within walking distance of the railroad tracks.
That evening we were sitting in the living room waiting for the news to end so we could watch "Gunsmoke". The big story, of course, was where the nerve gas train was and when it was expected to roll through Elberton. I distinctly remember that the reporter said that it would arrive in Elberton shortly after midnight and Trup saying that we would all be asleep by then.
Then Ann asked the question that we had all been wondering about. What exactly was the big deal about this nerve gas train? Being 9 and 10, we had absolutely no idea what nerve gas was, what the deal was with this train, and why everyone was so upset about it.
Trup leaned back in her recliner and said "Well.....it's like TTTTRRRRUUUUUPPPP this. TTTTRRRRUUUUPPPPP......nerve gas is poison and you can't see it. TTTRRRRUUUUUPPPPP and if just one drop of it leaks out of that train, it will TTTRRRRUUUUUPPPP kill every single person in TTTTRRRRUUUUUPPPPPPP Elberton TTRRRUUUUPPPPP."
At this point, there was nothing we could do. It was 7:45 and we knew our grandparents were getting ready for bed. Ronnie and Freddie were over at Carolyn and Benny's and there was no place for us to sleep over there, anyway. My parents were back in Mableton which was over two hours away. We were pretty much stuck.
So, after Gunsmoke was over, the three of us went upstairs. Suddenly, playing our usual game of calling the drug store on the square and asking if they had Prince Albert in a can didn't seem like fun anymore. We had bigger things to worry about, midnight was approaching, and so was the nerve gas train. This could very well be our last night alive.
Suddenly, Martha Helen had an idea. We should just hold our breath until the nerve gas train went by...that way, if we were going to die, at least it wouldn't be immediately. (I just said she had an idea....I didn't say that it was a good one.)
The problem was that we were getting sleepy and we needed to stay awake for the nerve gas train. Since Ann wasn't sleepy, we decided she would keep lookout. (We got that idea from something we had seen on Gunsmoke earlier.) If she got sleepy, she would wake me up and I would take over. Then when I got sleepy, I'd wake up Martha Helen and we'd just keep doing that until the nerve gas train went through. So Martha Helen and I went on to sleep.
I woke up around 2:30 in the morning. I knew it was 2:30 because the bank was right down the street and I could see the time and temperature sign from the upstairs bedroom window. The nerve gas train must have already come through Elberton and Ann didn't wake me up. I didn't know if she had fallen asleep or had fallen victim to the nerve gas.
So, I did what I had to do. I said "Ann....are you dead?"
I heard her stir around. She said "No....what time is it, anyway?"
"It's 2:30....I guess the nerve gas train has already come by and we missed it. I wonder if everyone else is ok."
Ann said, "I don't know...let's find out. Hey, Martha Helen. Are you dead?"
Martha Helen said, "No....are y'all?" (Y'all leave her alone...she can't help it.)
The three of us were present and accounted for, but we had no idea as to if the rest of Elberton survived the nerve gas train. Then something happened that made us realize that more than likely, everything was probably ok.
From the next room, we heard a blessed sound of reassurance.
"TTRRRRUUUUUUUPPPPP!!!"
** For more information about The Nerve Gas Train, click here.
They lived in Elberton. My cousins lived there, everyone knew everyone, and everyone there still remembered my dad even though he had long since moved away. Seems like everytime Carolyn would introduce Ronnie and me as her nephew and niece from Atlanta, the response was usually "These must by Kenneth's young-uns!" (No one there had children, kids, babies, etc....they all had young-uns.)
All of us cousins were just about the same age. Mr brother Ronnie is 16 months older than me, my cousin Freddie is 6 months older than Ronnie, Martha Helen is about 8 months older than me, and Ann is one year younger than me.)
Carolyn and Benny (my aunt and uncle) lived just down the road from my grandparents. Since six kids under one roof was a little too much for anyone, what usually happened was us girls would spend one day and night at my grandparents while Ronnie and Freddie stayed with Carolyn and Benny. Then we'd swap.
It was one thing to spend the day at my grandparents, but spending the night was another story entirely. For one thing, my grandparents went to bed early in the evening and they got up early in the morning. If you were staying with them, you were expected to do the same. Carolyn on the other hand, would let us stay up as late as we wanted and sleep as late as we wanted.
The other thing was the television. Again, Carolyn let us watch whatever we wanted. At my grandparents' house, if Lawrence Welk or Marlin Perkin's Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom was on, you might as well go outside and watch the grass grow because that tv channel was not getting changed.
My cousins had these two old maid aunts that lived in a huge, old house in the city. Occasionally, they would tell Carolyn to bring some of us by to spend the night with them. This was ok with us for several reasons. They would also let us stay up late and sleep late, their house was neat because it was so old and still had many of the original features, and they lived within walking distance of the town square.
Their names were Helen and Flora. We all called them Aunt Helen and Aunt Flora even though technically Ronnie and I weren't related to them at all. However, Helen had a nickname that she did not know about.
My cousin Ann had this penchant for pinning a nickname on people and the names she chose were both funny and spot on. She began calling Aunt Helen "Trup" (behind her back, of course.) The reason was because Aunt Helen could belch REALLY loud and she did not try to hide it.
When she did, it usually came out as "TTTRRRRRUUUUUUPPPPPP!!!!" Because it was so loud, so unladylike, and she was so unapologetic when she did it, all of us kids saw it as entertainment and would beg her to do it again and again and again. Today's kids with their high falutin' video games and computers have no idea what how much fun it is to have an aunt who can belch out some big ones on request.
Anyway, when I was about 10 years old, we were spending the summer at my grandparents and this particular time we were spending the night with Aunt Helen and Aunt Flora. I don't remember too much about that summer except that the big thing in the news at that time was that a nerve gas train coming through Elberton.
It seemed like anytime you turned on the news, everyone was talking about the nerve gas train. This particular train was carrying a shipment of nerve gas that was eventually going to be dumped in the ocean. Of course, absolutely no one wanted this thing coming through their town, but it had to go somewhere to get where it was going. So after much fuss and politics, a route was settled on and the train set off for the ocean. Part of its route was through Elberton.....and Trup and Aunt Flora lived within walking distance of the railroad tracks.
That evening we were sitting in the living room waiting for the news to end so we could watch "Gunsmoke". The big story, of course, was where the nerve gas train was and when it was expected to roll through Elberton. I distinctly remember that the reporter said that it would arrive in Elberton shortly after midnight and Trup saying that we would all be asleep by then.
Then Ann asked the question that we had all been wondering about. What exactly was the big deal about this nerve gas train? Being 9 and 10, we had absolutely no idea what nerve gas was, what the deal was with this train, and why everyone was so upset about it.
Trup leaned back in her recliner and said "Well.....it's like TTTTRRRRUUUUUPPPP this. TTTTRRRRUUUUPPPPP......nerve gas is poison and you can't see it. TTTRRRRUUUUUPPPPP and if just one drop of it leaks out of that train, it will TTTRRRRUUUUUPPPP kill every single person in TTTTRRRRUUUUUPPPPPPP Elberton TTRRRUUUUPPPPP."
At this point, there was nothing we could do. It was 7:45 and we knew our grandparents were getting ready for bed. Ronnie and Freddie were over at Carolyn and Benny's and there was no place for us to sleep over there, anyway. My parents were back in Mableton which was over two hours away. We were pretty much stuck.
So, after Gunsmoke was over, the three of us went upstairs. Suddenly, playing our usual game of calling the drug store on the square and asking if they had Prince Albert in a can didn't seem like fun anymore. We had bigger things to worry about, midnight was approaching, and so was the nerve gas train. This could very well be our last night alive.
Suddenly, Martha Helen had an idea. We should just hold our breath until the nerve gas train went by...that way, if we were going to die, at least it wouldn't be immediately. (I just said she had an idea....I didn't say that it was a good one.)
The problem was that we were getting sleepy and we needed to stay awake for the nerve gas train. Since Ann wasn't sleepy, we decided she would keep lookout. (We got that idea from something we had seen on Gunsmoke earlier.) If she got sleepy, she would wake me up and I would take over. Then when I got sleepy, I'd wake up Martha Helen and we'd just keep doing that until the nerve gas train went through. So Martha Helen and I went on to sleep.
I woke up around 2:30 in the morning. I knew it was 2:30 because the bank was right down the street and I could see the time and temperature sign from the upstairs bedroom window. The nerve gas train must have already come through Elberton and Ann didn't wake me up. I didn't know if she had fallen asleep or had fallen victim to the nerve gas.
So, I did what I had to do. I said "Ann....are you dead?"
I heard her stir around. She said "No....what time is it, anyway?"
"It's 2:30....I guess the nerve gas train has already come by and we missed it. I wonder if everyone else is ok."
Ann said, "I don't know...let's find out. Hey, Martha Helen. Are you dead?"
Martha Helen said, "No....are y'all?" (Y'all leave her alone...she can't help it.)
The three of us were present and accounted for, but we had no idea as to if the rest of Elberton survived the nerve gas train. Then something happened that made us realize that more than likely, everything was probably ok.
From the next room, we heard a blessed sound of reassurance.
"TTRRRRUUUUUUUPPPPP!!!"
** For more information about The Nerve Gas Train, click here.
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