Rock of Yuck!

Last night, I wasted one hour of my life that I will never get back. I stumbled across a TV show called "Rock of Love Bus." It's not a reality show, per se....it's crap TV.

For the unfamiliar, here's the premise. Bret Michaels is the lead singer of a group called Poison. He's trying to find (ahem) true love. He's looking for something all right, but it ain't true love and he ain't choosy! This show is now in it's third season, so obviously he's still looking.

Now...here's a word of warning for the faint of heart. If you should decide to watch this show (VH1 on Sunday at 9pm), there is no amount of showering that will keep you from feeling so nasty after watching this show. I swear, the girls that he is picking from would make a "lot lizard" at a south Georgia truck shop look like Faith Hill. (No offense to Faith.)

I'm not sure what is worse than a skank, but these girls are an absolutely insult to the word "skank." Get the picture? They are N-A-S-T-Y!!!!!! You might want to consider sitting WAY back from the TV if you watch it lest some sort of STD cootie leaps through the TV screen look for a place to hang out.....I'm just saying. And when you're done watching, you might want to spray the TV down with Lysol.

If you want to get a general idea of what I'm talking about....here's the pack of ho's that Mr. Michaels is choosing from that will, as he says....(and this is a direct quote!) "Rock my World."

Now....since I've already gone to the trouble of watching this, I'll clue you into a few of these ho's to watch out for.

Marcia - Marcia is from Brazil and she is crazy....not crazy in a funny way, but crazy in that b*tch might just haul off and kill somebody way. If you watch the show, look for her manic preparations in the bathroom to give Bret her "traditional Brazilian welcome." Prepare to barf....oh wait! That's Marcia's traditional Brazilian welcome!

Jasmineva - She's an ex-porn star. (Yeah....I was shocked.)

Nikki - I've heard of body shots....but this "thang" actually invited Bret to drink a shot from her....well....let's just say it was somewhere between her knees and her belly button....and it wasn't her belly button. That was too nasty for even Marcia! Then....here's the funny part! She wanted to sing a rap that she had written especially for Bret. So she read it from some notes that she had written down......on a piece of paper that had printed in big, bold letters: GENITAL HERPES TREATMENT. (Oh, Bret....she really seems to be the take home to meet mama type!)

So, here's the deal. Bret's on tour. So all of these skanks are going on tour with him. Each episode, some of them get sent home, and Bret asks the others to stay and "rock my world."

Bret has his own bus. The skanks are divided into two separate buses: a pink one and a blue one. Actually, they are petri dishes on wheels. (Did I mention how nasty these ho's are?) They are going from city to city to party with Bret and God only knows what else.

A few months ago, I was riding up I-75 on a Sunday afternoon. Just before I got to Delk Road, I noticed a tour bus pulled over in the emergency lane. As I passed it, I noticed that it had a huge picture of Bret Michaels on the side with the words "Rock of Love Tour". I had no idea what it was about at the time....but now I know. This was Bret's bus....not one of the ho buses, but Bret's actual bus. It was on the show last night.

Thankfully, I was in my Prius with the windows up rather than in the BMW with the top down so I was safe from the STD cooties. However, I did notice that the grass along that stretch of road died a few days later. Coincidence? I think not.