Free At Last!!!!

I had the most amazing experience today!  First, a little background.

If you read the two posts prior to this one, you can see that I was a little bitter and angry.  Scratch that....A LOT bitter and angry....and with good reason, as far as I was concerned. 

And after I wrote those two posts, I swore that that would be the end of it and I would return to a somewhat normal blog.  But it wasn't meant to be because I just could not let go of this anger.

I really wanted to tell the complete story of exactly what had happened to me over the last year, warts and all.   I wanted to name names and write about each and every one of the four characters involved along with what I thought of them and my fervent hope for their respective futures.

The problem was that this is a public blog and I did not want to risk the chance of them or a former coworker stumbling on what I wrote...especially since I REALLY wanted to name names.  I wasn't worried about their feelings so much (because they sure as hell didn't worry about mine!); I was more worried about a potential lawsuit.

So I took a break from blogging with the thought that time would heal all wounds.  But every time I returned to this blog, I could feel that anger welling up and the temptation to post something nasty. 


Someone suggested I just write everything down, read it aloud, and then burn the paper.  I had no problem with writing it down or reading it aloud...the problem was with burning the paper. 

I know burning the paper is part of the "letting go" process, and I really did want to let go.  But I wanted the people involved to be held accountable.  If I burned the paper, no one would know and the parties involved would not be accountable, if that makes any sense.

I wanted a way for SOMEONE in this world to know EXACTLY what transpired from July 11, 2011 through October 30, 2011.  I wanted a way for SOMEONE in this world to know EXACTLY what was said to me and by WHOM.  I wanted a way for SOMEONE in this world to know EXACTLY what kind of hell I was put through.  And finally, I wanted a way for SOMEONE in this world to know EXACTLY what I thought of EACH and EVERY PERSON involved. 

I wanted to name names and I wanted to post the truth.  Not management's sanitized version ("it was a mutual decision", "it was her decision", "we're not at liberty to discuss", etc.)  I mean, if the truth WERE to come out, it would look really bad if the current employees found out how the company that supposedly cares SO MUCH about a certain charity treated an employee that had that particular disease. 

But after thinking about it, I quickly realized that the only people in that company that actually give a damn about that charity are the ones that actually put together the fundraisers and participate in the charity, itself. 

I mean, let's be real.  It's easy to write a check or donate a big ticket item to a silent auction.  That's participating, right?  Sure!  But spending an hour or two walking around a track with (gasp!) employees?  Actually organizing a fundraiser?  Putting together goody bags to sell at the event?  On personal time?  Hell...the golf course beckons!  Just write a damn check and be done with it.  So much easier....plus it's a tax write off, it gets the organizers off your ass, and it makes management look good.

So....back to my original problem....how to get rid of all of this anger once and for all?

Here's what I did!!!!!

I wrote the story down, read it aloud, sealed it in a bottle, and tossed it in the ocean.  Then I wrote individual letters to the four people involved, read them all aloud, sealed them in four individual bottles, and tossed them in the ocean, as well.

Where they wind up, who knows?  Who cares?  Not me! I don't give a damn and quite honestly I really don't give a damn if I see the four people involved ever again.

Yes...I named names and I told it ALL.  After tossing the last bottle in, I felt SO WONDERFUL!!!  All of that anger was gone!!!  I really can't describe the joy that I felt.

For all I know, those bottles may never be found or read.  If they are, I offer a sincere apology about all of the profanity.... but it's one of those "you had to be there and experience it" instances. 

But I just feel at peace knowing that those bottles are out there, somewhere, and that someone may someday come across one of them and read my story....or find out exactly how I feel about a certain person...or four.

If I'm lucky, the finder will look the names up on the internet and wonder which one of the numerous names that pops up for each is the offender.

Don't know....don't care....because I had the last word!!!!!

Vengeance is mine...indeed!