I think the last time that I have even heard Ringo's name in the news was when that movie "Caveman" came out. Then yesterday, he releases this COS (crock of sh*t)!
Busy doing exactly what, Ringo?
Which brings to mind the latest reunion news....(that's family reunion news, not Beatle reunion news which would never happen anyway since half of them are dead.)
My cousin Fred is going to be smoking a ham! I'm still reeling from shock, because it seems like anytime anything needs to get done, Fred can't do it because, like Ringo, he just has so much to do.
I told my dad that he might want to check back with his brother on this and make sure that we aren't putting Fred out. I mean, I sure wouldn't want to impede on his busy schedule of sitting on his a$$ while his dad is out mowing his lawn, cleaning gutters, or doing anything else his dad has absolutely no business doing due to health issues. I mean, I know Fred has his own health issues and I truly do hope that one day, someone will find a cure to being allergic to work. I know Fred won't be the one to find that cure, because he's too busy....sitting on his aforementioned a$$.
We're still having the usual griping and complaining, but it's isolated to just one of my dad's cousins. No one is twisting his arm to come, so why he doesn't stay home is beyond me. He's griped about the place, griped about the cost, griped about the menu. So, in his honor, I decided to gripe about him.
Everyone else is excited about coming, wanting to know what they can do to help, etc.
The location has been determined; it's going to be at the church.
I have a great story about this church that my cousin told me at the last reunion. I love this because it's about my grandmother and I can just hear her saying this, too.
This church is way out in the country and as such, none of the houses are on county water. They all use wells. So when they built the fellowship hall for this church, they ran water to the fellowship hall from a well located on the church property.
This church also has a cemetery.
I did not know until last year that in all the years that this fellowship hall existed, my grandmother absolutely refused to drink or wash her hands in water from the church fellowship hall. She referred to it as "dead water". (well water + cemetery = "dead water"). It sounds gross, I know, but for some reason, I think it's funny.
The only other thing I've got going on is that the Paulding Republican Party is having a debate party tomorrow night at Jalepeno Joe's. I'm debating (ha-ha!) about whether or not to go. In the past, I've done some stuff with Cobb County's Republican Party, but they never had debate parties. Do they boo whenever Obama speaks? I mean, I do live in Paulding so anything is possible, I guess.
Maybe I'll find out.....unless I'm busy, of course!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Movie Review: An American Carol
Ok........
I'm officially on vacation for the next week, so I'm doing whatever I want. Today, I wanted to go to the movies.
I decided to go to the 12:05 showing of "An American Carol" for two reasons:
1) Since it was the first screening, I would actually be able to sit in a clean theatre
2) Everyone else would either be at church or leaving church and eating at one of Paulding's many fine dining establishments like Hooters. (Yes, I saw a family of 4 well dressed Paulding citizens in their Sunday finery, so I'm assuming they had been to church; they parked their car and headed into Hooters. Somehow, that just seems wrong. But then again, I do live in Paulding. Where someone in one of the houses along Hwy 92 actually has Confederate flag living room curtains.)
Either way, the people that make going to the movies such a horrible experience these days (the ones that talk on their cell phones, talk to each other, run up and down the aisles, yell across the theatre, etc during the movie...and that's just the people from the Senior Center on one of their day outings!) more than likely would not be there.
So....here's my review:
First off, it really makes you think about where you live when you see the local advertisers flash their ads on the screen while waiting for the movie to begin:
Coming Attractions:
W.: Another Oliver Stone pack of lies that people are probably going to pay to see. Here's a word of warning, though. It stars Josh Brolin. What difference does that make, you ask? He's James Brolin's son. What difference does that make, you ask? James Brolin happens to be Mr. Barbra Streisand. Here's a link to some of Heir Streisand's ramblings.
OK....I might be stretching it by connecting that series of dots, but in all honesty so does Oliver Stone. I will give him credit, though. The soundtrack sounds AWESOME! George Jones sings the absolute best version of "Amazing Grace" I've ever heard.
The Haunting of Molly Hartley: Looks like a Carrie re-do. Also looks like it sucks.
Max Payne: Yawn.
The Uninvited: This one actually looks pretty good. Looks kind of like a combination of "The 6th Sense" and "The Others." Too bad it isn't being released until January 2009.
OK....
Now for the movie review:
The guy playing Michael Malone could actually be Michael Moore's brother. He's actually Chris Farley's brother. I got a chuckle out of his nieces and nephew constantly referring to Malone as "Uncle Lardass", "Uncle Asshole", etc. because I imagine that's exactly how Micheal Moore's nieces and nephews refer to him. Everything that you ever wished would happen to Micheal Moore pretty much happens to this guy....and that's a good thing.
Leslie Nielson plays a Grandpa telling the story of Micheal Malone. Typical Leslie Nielson role in a Zucker movie.
Kelsey Grammer as General Patton: Personally, I think Clint Eastwood would have been a better pick, but I guess he was too busy directing "The Changeling" (opening October 31).
Grammer was OK....nothing to write home about.
Trace Atkins as "The Angel of Death": Trace is kind of scary, anyway, so it really wasn't too big of a reach.
Bill O'Reilley as himself: Actually, he didn't seem to be as big of a jerk in the movie as he can be on TV. Go figure.
Whoever it was playing "Rosie O'Connell": She had the accent down pat. She was actually as obnoxious as Rosie.
The Three Terrorists: Think an Afghani version of "The Three Stooges"....except The Stooges were funnier.
Overall opinion.....save $6 (matinee price) and wait for the DVD rental.
I'm officially on vacation for the next week, so I'm doing whatever I want. Today, I wanted to go to the movies.
I decided to go to the 12:05 showing of "An American Carol" for two reasons:
1) Since it was the first screening, I would actually be able to sit in a clean theatre
2) Everyone else would either be at church or leaving church and eating at one of Paulding's many fine dining establishments like Hooters. (Yes, I saw a family of 4 well dressed Paulding citizens in their Sunday finery, so I'm assuming they had been to church; they parked their car and headed into Hooters. Somehow, that just seems wrong. But then again, I do live in Paulding. Where someone in one of the houses along Hwy 92 actually has Confederate flag living room curtains.)
Either way, the people that make going to the movies such a horrible experience these days (the ones that talk on their cell phones, talk to each other, run up and down the aisles, yell across the theatre, etc during the movie...and that's just the people from the Senior Center on one of their day outings!) more than likely would not be there.
So....here's my review:
First off, it really makes you think about where you live when you see the local advertisers flash their ads on the screen while waiting for the movie to begin:
- Paulding County Quick Bail
- Lucky Draw Tattoo and Body Piercing (Opening a second location, soon!)
- Special Thanks to the Hiram Police Department for providing on site officers for the safety and security of our patrons.
Coming Attractions:
W.: Another Oliver Stone pack of lies that people are probably going to pay to see. Here's a word of warning, though. It stars Josh Brolin. What difference does that make, you ask? He's James Brolin's son. What difference does that make, you ask? James Brolin happens to be Mr. Barbra Streisand. Here's a link to some of Heir Streisand's ramblings.
OK....I might be stretching it by connecting that series of dots, but in all honesty so does Oliver Stone. I will give him credit, though. The soundtrack sounds AWESOME! George Jones sings the absolute best version of "Amazing Grace" I've ever heard.
The Haunting of Molly Hartley: Looks like a Carrie re-do. Also looks like it sucks.
Max Payne: Yawn.
The Uninvited: This one actually looks pretty good. Looks kind of like a combination of "The 6th Sense" and "The Others." Too bad it isn't being released until January 2009.
OK....
Now for the movie review:
The guy playing Michael Malone could actually be Michael Moore's brother. He's actually Chris Farley's brother. I got a chuckle out of his nieces and nephew constantly referring to Malone as "Uncle Lardass", "Uncle Asshole", etc. because I imagine that's exactly how Micheal Moore's nieces and nephews refer to him. Everything that you ever wished would happen to Micheal Moore pretty much happens to this guy....and that's a good thing.
Leslie Nielson plays a Grandpa telling the story of Micheal Malone. Typical Leslie Nielson role in a Zucker movie.
Kelsey Grammer as General Patton: Personally, I think Clint Eastwood would have been a better pick, but I guess he was too busy directing "The Changeling" (opening October 31).
Grammer was OK....nothing to write home about.
Trace Atkins as "The Angel of Death": Trace is kind of scary, anyway, so it really wasn't too big of a reach.
Bill O'Reilley as himself: Actually, he didn't seem to be as big of a jerk in the movie as he can be on TV. Go figure.
Whoever it was playing "Rosie O'Connell": She had the accent down pat. She was actually as obnoxious as Rosie.
The Three Terrorists: Think an Afghani version of "The Three Stooges"....except The Stooges were funnier.
Overall opinion.....save $6 (matinee price) and wait for the DVD rental.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Scenes in Hiram
This morning, I took a ride through the Paulding metropolis known as Hiram....or as the locals around here call it, "Harm".
Both of the funeral homes were open for business; parking lots were full and people were sitting in the rocking chairs out side of Clarks. Is it just me or does it not appear weird when the county coroner also owns one of the local funeral homes as well as the local ambulance service?
Further on up 92, it seems like all of the local churches decided to have a combination yard sale and barbeque. Nice day for it, but I've got more junk than I can use so I didn't stop.
Just for the heck of it, I turned off onto Pine Valley Road to see what the Tritt's were up to. As I rode past the Tritt compound, you'll never guess who I saw at the mailbox!!!
Now, I've lived in Paulding County for 15 years and I've yet to see any Tritt. Travis had already bought his property shortly before I moved here. Later on, he got married and they produced a whole flock of little Tritts. It's a well known fact that Theresa (Mrs. Tritt) shops at Walmart and Target. And occasionally, the family will have a Friday night outing at the now-defunct Catfish Den* or Longhorn's. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw someone at Travis' mailbox!
Yep, you guessed it! I saw.....Travis Tritt's MAILMAN!!!!
He probably got the exact same junk mail that I got today! I'm guessing he got the little magazine thingy that is loaded up with Mrs. Winner's coupons, Papa John's coupons, Captain D's coupons, and 1 room of carpet steam cleaned free when you have 4 other rooms done. I wonder if he got the Linen's and Things card where you can get 20% off any one item? Or the "We miss you" offer from DirectTV?
I didn't stop to find out; I didn't want to be in violation of the 40 "No Stopping/No Standing" signs that he has posted around the perimeter of his property. Not that you can actually see anything due to the 8 foot high brick wall and the 4o foot high Leland cypresses that also encompass the perimeter of his property.
Travis, if you happen to read this here's a word of advice regarding the DirectTV offer. You might have to chop down some of those trees to get a signal. That's why we wound up having to switch over to Comcast. We just have too many trees on our lot. If they were pine, we would have just cut them down, but since they are all mature hardwoods, we decided to keep them. But you've got a ton of pines on your property and those things are a dang nuisance because they snap like toothpicks in a high wind or ice storm....I'm just saying.
Also, here's some news regarding the Catfish Den. (That's why I put an * next to it earlier.) It's been closed now for several months and several p-commers as well as my parents were quite upset about that. Apparently, they served the best catfish ever and they suddenly closed up back during the spring. Well, as I was riding down 92, the sign in front said "Opening Soon!" I'm not exactly a catfish connoisseur, so that doesn't mean much to me, but I know some folks will be extremely excited with that news.
Coming up on 278, someone needs to tell the parents of these kids stationed at every corner trying to sell the Sunday edition of the AJC for $1, that: no one wants that paper because it stinks -AND- standing on any corner of 278 ain't the safest (or smartest) place to stand. Besides that, Miss Jessie might come up and cuss them out and that would be bad.
Speaking of which....I didn't see Miss Jessie. hmmmm. I guess I need to go check that out.
Both of the funeral homes were open for business; parking lots were full and people were sitting in the rocking chairs out side of Clarks. Is it just me or does it not appear weird when the county coroner also owns one of the local funeral homes as well as the local ambulance service?
Further on up 92, it seems like all of the local churches decided to have a combination yard sale and barbeque. Nice day for it, but I've got more junk than I can use so I didn't stop.
Just for the heck of it, I turned off onto Pine Valley Road to see what the Tritt's were up to. As I rode past the Tritt compound, you'll never guess who I saw at the mailbox!!!
Now, I've lived in Paulding County for 15 years and I've yet to see any Tritt. Travis had already bought his property shortly before I moved here. Later on, he got married and they produced a whole flock of little Tritts. It's a well known fact that Theresa (Mrs. Tritt) shops at Walmart and Target. And occasionally, the family will have a Friday night outing at the now-defunct Catfish Den* or Longhorn's. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw someone at Travis' mailbox!
Yep, you guessed it! I saw.....Travis Tritt's MAILMAN!!!!
He probably got the exact same junk mail that I got today! I'm guessing he got the little magazine thingy that is loaded up with Mrs. Winner's coupons, Papa John's coupons, Captain D's coupons, and 1 room of carpet steam cleaned free when you have 4 other rooms done. I wonder if he got the Linen's and Things card where you can get 20% off any one item? Or the "We miss you" offer from DirectTV?
I didn't stop to find out; I didn't want to be in violation of the 40 "No Stopping/No Standing" signs that he has posted around the perimeter of his property. Not that you can actually see anything due to the 8 foot high brick wall and the 4o foot high Leland cypresses that also encompass the perimeter of his property.
Travis, if you happen to read this here's a word of advice regarding the DirectTV offer. You might have to chop down some of those trees to get a signal. That's why we wound up having to switch over to Comcast. We just have too many trees on our lot. If they were pine, we would have just cut them down, but since they are all mature hardwoods, we decided to keep them. But you've got a ton of pines on your property and those things are a dang nuisance because they snap like toothpicks in a high wind or ice storm....I'm just saying.
Also, here's some news regarding the Catfish Den. (That's why I put an * next to it earlier.) It's been closed now for several months and several p-commers as well as my parents were quite upset about that. Apparently, they served the best catfish ever and they suddenly closed up back during the spring. Well, as I was riding down 92, the sign in front said "Opening Soon!" I'm not exactly a catfish connoisseur, so that doesn't mean much to me, but I know some folks will be extremely excited with that news.
Coming up on 278, someone needs to tell the parents of these kids stationed at every corner trying to sell the Sunday edition of the AJC for $1, that: no one wants that paper because it stinks -AND- standing on any corner of 278 ain't the safest (or smartest) place to stand. Besides that, Miss Jessie might come up and cuss them out and that would be bad.
Speaking of which....I didn't see Miss Jessie. hmmmm. I guess I need to go check that out.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Don't Mess With Ma
My brother and I were talking swapping stories about my grandmother the other weekend. He shared one with me that I had not heard before that was just typical of my grandmother.
Now, before I go any further, I just want to preface this entry to go on record that none of us were abused as children. My parents did not do timeout, go stand in the corner, go to your room, etc. When we did something wrong, we got a whipping. If we got a whipping, then believe me we deserved it.
That said, when we stayed with my grandparents, the same rules applied. We did something wrong, my grandparents thought nothing of "tearing up some tails" as they liked to call it. Fortunately, we didn't give them too much reason to tear up our tails, but it did happen occasionally.
So for this entry, I decided to do something different. I took my brother Ron's story and wrote a song about it.
I call it "Don't Mess With Ma" and you sing it to "The Ballad of the Green Berets".....you know the song ("Silver Wings upon their chest, these are men, America's best..etc).
So....here's "Don't Mess With Ma"
My father’s mom
We called her Ma
And his dad
We called him Pa
At Ma and Pa’s
We spent our days
On our summer
getaways
Five feet two
150 pounds
Her eyes were blue
Her hair was brown
You better do
Just what Ma say
Or there would be
Some hell to pay
Ron and Fred
were about six
Played outside
throwing sticks
Ma told them stop
you’ll break a glass
And then I’ll have
to beat your ass
Then Ma left
to watch her soaps
Ron and Fred
were two young dopes
One threw a stick
and shattered glass
They knew right then
their ass was grass
Ron and Fred
they ran away
hid in the barn
The rest of the day
Until Ma yelled
it’s time to eat
She sounded calm
She sounded sweet
Ron and Fred
thought coast was clear
They turned and grinned
from ear to ear
Ma forgot
what she had said
So off they ran
to get fed
Then Ma met
them at the door
She said Look!
What’s on the floor?
Ron and Fred
They looked straight down
Then looked up
And turned around
There stood Ma
She was no fool
Ron and Fred
Had broke her rule
Suddenly
Her arm did twitch
And it held
A hickory switch
Big long and brown
And on each butt
It went to town
Then Ma said
I’m done today
But next time
Do what I say
Two red butts
Four eyes of red
Ron and Fred
Ran straight to bed
They knew then
Ma don’t forget
Lesson learned
You heed Ma’s threat
Five feet two
150 pounds
Her eyes were blue
Her hair was brown
We learned to watch
For that arm twitch
Don’t mess with Ma
She’ll use her switch
Monday, October 6, 2008
Random Musings
Fox News Alert!!! P-Diddy is PO'd. (Warning: Bad Language!)
Yo! Diddy! Here's a quick civics lesson for you. South Korea = Good. North Korea = Bad.
Plus, it might surprise you to know that most sane people would be proud of the fact that there are no crackhouses in their state. When did living near a crackhouse become a status symbol?
I can't believe this guy has a problem with Sarah Palin when he can't even put together a coherent thought....except that he thinks that (and I quote): "John McCain, you are buggin' the f*** out."
What gets me is that he's upset with the fact that McCain picked Palin as a running mate. Hell, I'm upset that Diddy is even allowed to vote! Let's face it.....he's an absolute idiot! I'm sorry, but Diddy makes Curly Howard of the Three Stooges look like Socrates. That, in and of itself is enough to scare anyone.
I actually ran across that video accidentally. This was the one I was looking for:
Now, if Diddy will actually keep his promise and stay underneath the covers for the next 4 to 8 years, then everyone needs to march down to their precinct on November 4 and vote McCain/Palin.......do it. Diddy is counting on you. He's scared. (What a puss!)
Is it just me, or does Barney Frank sound like this guy?
More Hip Hop Country:
Country Song: Hello Darlin'
Hip Hop Song: Yo Muthaf****r
Country Song: She Thinks I Still Care
Hip Hop Song: B*tch Thinks I Give a D@mn
Country Song: A Boy Named Sue
Hip Hop Song: A Homie Named Shenaynay
Country Song: Golden Ring
Hip Hop Song: Gold Bling
Country Song: When You Say Nothing At All
Hip Hop Song: B*tch, Shut The H*ll Up
Country Song: He'll Have To Go
Hip Hop Song: Homie Betta Get Da H*ll Outta Here Fo' I Busta Cap in His A$$
Country Song: Louisiana Woman, Mississippi Man
Hip Hop Song: Crip B*tch, Blood Homeboy
Country Song: Okie From Muscogee
Hip Hop Song: Homie From Nairobi
Country Song: Mama Tried
Hip Hop Song: Mama To' Mah A$$ Up
Ok....I'm done. Y'all peeps pray fo' Diddy. He's still hidin' in the sheets......he scared. (Gawd! What an ab-so-lute lunatic!!!)
Yo! Diddy! Here's a quick civics lesson for you. South Korea = Good. North Korea = Bad.
Plus, it might surprise you to know that most sane people would be proud of the fact that there are no crackhouses in their state. When did living near a crackhouse become a status symbol?
I can't believe this guy has a problem with Sarah Palin when he can't even put together a coherent thought....except that he thinks that (and I quote): "John McCain, you are buggin' the f*** out."
What gets me is that he's upset with the fact that McCain picked Palin as a running mate. Hell, I'm upset that Diddy is even allowed to vote! Let's face it.....he's an absolute idiot! I'm sorry, but Diddy makes Curly Howard of the Three Stooges look like Socrates. That, in and of itself is enough to scare anyone.
I actually ran across that video accidentally. This was the one I was looking for:
Now, if Diddy will actually keep his promise and stay underneath the covers for the next 4 to 8 years, then everyone needs to march down to their precinct on November 4 and vote McCain/Palin.......do it. Diddy is counting on you. He's scared. (What a puss!)
Is it just me, or does Barney Frank sound like this guy?
More Hip Hop Country:
Country Song: Hello Darlin'
Hip Hop Song: Yo Muthaf****r
Country Song: She Thinks I Still Care
Hip Hop Song: B*tch Thinks I Give a D@mn
Country Song: A Boy Named Sue
Hip Hop Song: A Homie Named Shenaynay
Country Song: Golden Ring
Hip Hop Song: Gold Bling
Country Song: When You Say Nothing At All
Hip Hop Song: B*tch, Shut The H*ll Up
Country Song: He'll Have To Go
Hip Hop Song: Homie Betta Get Da H*ll Outta Here Fo' I Busta Cap in His A$$
Country Song: Louisiana Woman, Mississippi Man
Hip Hop Song: Crip B*tch, Blood Homeboy
Country Song: Okie From Muscogee
Hip Hop Song: Homie From Nairobi
Country Song: Mama Tried
Hip Hop Song: Mama To' Mah A$$ Up
Ok....I'm done. Y'all peeps pray fo' Diddy. He's still hidin' in the sheets......he scared. (Gawd! What an ab-so-lute lunatic!!!)
Friday, October 3, 2008
Whoop A$$ and Hip Hop Country
First off....
I have to congratulate Bill O'Reilly for opening up an industrial size can of Whoop A$$ on Barney Frank. Click here to see the fireworks. Now THAT was entertainment!
Now....today at lunch I heard part of Whitney Houston's version of "I Will Always Love You." It was ok, but personally I liked Dolly's version better because I like country.
But for some reason, I got to thinking what would happen if Hip Hop artists started redoing/rewriting country songs.....then I started thinking about translating popular country songs in to "street lingo hip hop."
Country Song: I Will Always Love You
Hip Hop Song: You Always Be My Boo
Country Song: He Stopped Loving Her Today
Hip Hop Song: My Boo Be Dead
Country Song: Apartment #9
Hip Hop Song: Crackhouse In My Hood
Country Song: D-I-V-O-R-C-E
Hip Hop Song: BEE-CHO-A$$
Country Song: Coat of Many Colors
Hip Hop Song: Doo-rag Made of Bling
Country Song: You Ain't Woman Enough To Take My Man
Hip Hop Song: You So Ugly "Gorillas In The Mist" Was Filmed In Your Shower
Country Song: Jolene
Hip Hop Song: Quamesha
Country Song: 9-To-5
Hip Hop Song: 20-To-Life
Country Song: 18 Wheels and a Dozen Roses
Hip Hop Song: 4 Shiny Rims and a Case of Ripple
Country Song: Crazy
Hip Hop Song: Whack
Country Song: All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight
Hip Hop Song: My Posse Be Chillin in My Crib Tonight
I have to congratulate Bill O'Reilly for opening up an industrial size can of Whoop A$$ on Barney Frank. Click here to see the fireworks. Now THAT was entertainment!
Now....today at lunch I heard part of Whitney Houston's version of "I Will Always Love You." It was ok, but personally I liked Dolly's version better because I like country.
But for some reason, I got to thinking what would happen if Hip Hop artists started redoing/rewriting country songs.....then I started thinking about translating popular country songs in to "street lingo hip hop."
Country Song: I Will Always Love You
Hip Hop Song: You Always Be My Boo
Country Song: He Stopped Loving Her Today
Hip Hop Song: My Boo Be Dead
Country Song: Apartment #9
Hip Hop Song: Crackhouse In My Hood
Country Song: D-I-V-O-R-C-E
Hip Hop Song: BEE-CHO-A$$
Country Song: Coat of Many Colors
Hip Hop Song: Doo-rag Made of Bling
Country Song: You Ain't Woman Enough To Take My Man
Hip Hop Song: You So Ugly "Gorillas In The Mist" Was Filmed In Your Shower
Country Song: Jolene
Hip Hop Song: Quamesha
Country Song: 9-To-5
Hip Hop Song: 20-To-Life
Country Song: 18 Wheels and a Dozen Roses
Hip Hop Song: 4 Shiny Rims and a Case of Ripple
Country Song: Crazy
Hip Hop Song: Whack
Country Song: All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight
Hip Hop Song: My Posse Be Chillin in My Crib Tonight
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Bill O'Reilly
Bill O'Reilly......what can I say? It's the same thing, night after night after night. Most of the time, I agree with him, but I swear he just comes across as a pompous jerk most of the time.
Typical Episode of The O'Reilly Factor:
O'Reilly: Well, Typical First Guest....I've read your book and it sucked. I'm right and you're wrong. What say you?
Typical First Guest: Exactly what sucked about it, Bill? I need specifics!
O'Reilly: What do you need to know? It sucked. It sucked because I said so. I'm right and everyone watching knows I'm right.
Typical First Guest: Well, I'd like to know exactly what I wrote that makes you have that opinion.
O'Reilly: What???? Go read your book and you will see exactly why it sucked.
Typical First Guest: Bill, I have read it. I wrote it, remember? Now, wha---
O'Reilly: We're running out of time here...30 seconds I'll give you the last word.
Typical First Guest: Ok. I---
O'Reilly: There you have it....you had the last word, actually you had two. Folks, if you want to read a sucky book, the name of it is My Book Sucks....at your bookstores now. Stay tuned for Ann Coulter! In the NO SPIN ZONE.
(cue commercial)
O'Reilly: Our next guest is Ann Coulter. Ann, welcome. You wrote something mean in your book. Why?
Ann Coulter: I didn't write anything mean. I just wrote the truth.
O'Reilly: No...it was mean. It was mean because I said it was mean. C'mon Ann, admit it....I'm right.
Ann Coulter: No, Bill, you are NOT right. Look, I've backed up what I wrote with fact after fact after fact. It's there in black and white. You can't argue with facts, Bill.
O'Reilly: Look, Ann. Obviously you do not know me very well. I make a living arguing. You say the sky is blue, I say it isn't. You say the glass is half full, I say it isn't. You know why? Because I'm right, that's why. But, we only have a few seconds left, so I'll give you the last word.
Ann Coulter: A$$hole.
O'Reilly: OK...coming up is a segment we call Pinhead or Patriot. We'll be right back in the NO SPIN ZONE!
(cue commercial)
O'Reilly: Ok.....welcome back to the NO SPIN ZONE. It's time for our Pinhead or Patriot segment. This person said I suck...therefore he is a PINHEAD. This person just bent over backwards to tell me how wonderful I am. You, sir are a true PATRIOT. That's about all the time we have this evening. Remember to buy your Factor Gear and go to my website and buy my book and read lots more that I am right about. Stay tuned next for Hannity and Colmes.
Typical Episode of The O'Reilly Factor:
O'Reilly: Well, Typical First Guest....I've read your book and it sucked. I'm right and you're wrong. What say you?
Typical First Guest: Exactly what sucked about it, Bill? I need specifics!
O'Reilly: What do you need to know? It sucked. It sucked because I said so. I'm right and everyone watching knows I'm right.
Typical First Guest: Well, I'd like to know exactly what I wrote that makes you have that opinion.
O'Reilly: What???? Go read your book and you will see exactly why it sucked.
Typical First Guest: Bill, I have read it. I wrote it, remember? Now, wha---
O'Reilly: We're running out of time here...30 seconds I'll give you the last word.
Typical First Guest: Ok. I---
O'Reilly: There you have it....you had the last word, actually you had two. Folks, if you want to read a sucky book, the name of it is My Book Sucks....at your bookstores now. Stay tuned for Ann Coulter! In the NO SPIN ZONE.
(cue commercial)
O'Reilly: Our next guest is Ann Coulter. Ann, welcome. You wrote something mean in your book. Why?
Ann Coulter: I didn't write anything mean. I just wrote the truth.
O'Reilly: No...it was mean. It was mean because I said it was mean. C'mon Ann, admit it....I'm right.
Ann Coulter: No, Bill, you are NOT right. Look, I've backed up what I wrote with fact after fact after fact. It's there in black and white. You can't argue with facts, Bill.
O'Reilly: Look, Ann. Obviously you do not know me very well. I make a living arguing. You say the sky is blue, I say it isn't. You say the glass is half full, I say it isn't. You know why? Because I'm right, that's why. But, we only have a few seconds left, so I'll give you the last word.
Ann Coulter: A$$hole.
O'Reilly: OK...coming up is a segment we call Pinhead or Patriot. We'll be right back in the NO SPIN ZONE!
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O'Reilly: Ok.....welcome back to the NO SPIN ZONE. It's time for our Pinhead or Patriot segment. This person said I suck...therefore he is a PINHEAD. This person just bent over backwards to tell me how wonderful I am. You, sir are a true PATRIOT. That's about all the time we have this evening. Remember to buy your Factor Gear and go to my website and buy my book and read lots more that I am right about. Stay tuned next for Hannity and Colmes.
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