A Typical Thread on the Paulding Message Board

If you ever want to start a flame war on a message board, all you have to do is go to the paulding message board and ask the following question:

"Who is that crazy black lady that walks up and down 278?"

That particular question is like throwing a malotov cocktail into a building and running away.

The responses will start off simple enough.

Someone might direct you to one of many earlier threads where this topic has been previously discussed.

Someone else will post one of those animated smiley emoticons munching on popcorn.

Someone will then post a picture of a margarita, beer, and other assorted alcoholic beverages.

Another will post something to the effect of "I'm going to go ahead and prepare the Hell Hole." The Hell Hole is a restricted forum where this thread more than likely will wind up.

Miss Jessie is the crazy black lady in question. She can be found just about anywhere in Hiram. She usually walks along US278 and occasionally visits the stores and businesses along this road.

Depending on who you talk to, she is either crazy as a bedbug or a genuinely sweet lady who would never hurt a fly.

The crazy Miss Jessie is a woman who talks to herself, cusses out cars as they go by, throws things at passing cars, and swears like a sailor.

The genuinely sweet Miss Jessie is a woman who has a kind word for everyone, yells "Hey Baybeee!!!" if you just simply say "Hey Miss Jessie", and she's completely rational.

And this is where the fun begins on the Paulding message board. (The following screen names are completely made up.)

newposter: Who's that crazy black lady that walks up and down on 278?

drsulu: Oh Dear Lord, do we REALLY have to go through this AGAIN?

newposter: I just moved here. So who is she?

redneck: She's plum crazy. She went crazy cause her daughter got killed by a speeder on 278
years ago. That's why she carries that switch and yells at cars. She's trying to get them to slow down.

yorkvillegrl: That ain't true. She never had a daughter and she ain't crazy. She's easy to talk to and she's just as sweet as she can be. Ever time me and my daughters are at the Walmart and they see her, they yell "Hey Miss Jessie!" and she says "Hey darlins! Come here and give me a hug."

wyattrash: Oh yeah? The h*ll you say! My little girl saw her at Kohl's the other day and said "Hey Miss Jessie" and she said "Go to h*ll cracker b*tch!" Made me so mad! My girl had never heard the word "cracker" used that way before and I had to explain to her what it meant. I was hoping I wouldn't have to have that conversation with her until she was older.

yorkvillegrl: Did you ever stop to think she might be having a bad day?

wyattrash: Sure I've had bad days...but I wouldn't call a three year old girl a cracker b*tch just because she was saying hey.

rebeluvr: Are y'all sure that story about her daughter gettin' kilt ain't true? Val Jean, my hairdresser, said that her ex DIL's first cousin's best friend saw the whole thing happen. It was about 3 or 4 years ago. Said it was just the saddest thing she'd ever seen.

hiramho: Val Jean? Val Jean Waylock? Where's she working at these days? My bleach job needs a touch up somethin awful. I lost track of her after she left Kat's Krazy Kutz. I've been going to United Hairlines, but Tammy can't cut hair worth crap.

drsulu: I just cannot believe this!! Do we have to have this same debate about Miss Jessie every other month? It just gets so old.

redneck: look sulu. newposter is new to the board and new to the neighborhood. It's our obligation as citizens of Paulding to tell them the truth about Miss Jessie. She's crazy! Stay away from her! She's just scary!

meadow: Hiramho! I just sent u a PM about Val Jean!

dragstrip: Let me just tell you about my encounter with Miss Jessie. I was up at the Target the other day mindin my own business unloadin my groceries. I knew she was there but I didn't say anything to her, cuz she's crazy you know. She walked right by me, turned around and said "Whatchu lookin at, b*tch?" I started to tell her I was looking at some crazy old bat, but she had that switch and I made the mistake of leaving my pistol in my other purse.

hiramho: thanks meadow. I'll give Val Jean a call later on. You said she should be out of jail this afternoon?

yorkvillegrl: Look, for the last time, she ain't crazy! Everytime I see her she's always sweet and gives me a big ole' hug. Y'all should be nice to her instead of being mean to her all the time and you'd find out just how sweet she is.

pauldingpatriot: What's this about Val Jean being in jail? What happened?

wyattrash: pauldingpatriot, hiramho, and meadow....this thread is about that crazy Miss Jessie. If y'all want to talk about Val Jean gettin drunk last Saturday and getting into that cat fight with Bubba Turner's sister, create your own thread.

hiramho: wyattrash, who died and maid you owner of this thread? Dang, u act like u own this board.

wyattrash: who died and MAID you owner of this thread?" I guess you must have graduated from Hiram High since you sure can't spell.

hiramho: No, as a matter of fact I graduated from SP in 1992. I was valedictorian. I didn't realize we were getting graded on spelling on this board.

dallasangel: let me tell u about my Miss Jessie experience. I was at the Waffle House and she walked in. That new waitress Dana felt sorry for her so she bought her a cup of coffee. Miss Jessie cried and said "That's so sweet of you, baybeee. I love you." It was so sweet, it made me cry. So I bought her a waffle. She looked at me and said "What the h*ll is this, b*tch? Leave me the h*ll alone."

redneck: See? I told y'all she was crazy!!!!

wyattrash: hiramho! I graduated from SP in 1992. If you were valedictorian, then you must be Tammy L!!! I gave the benediction....I'm Kristi J!!

meadow: hiramho I wisht you hadn't posted about Val Jean being in jail and all. She told me not to tell anybody.

moderator: I'm going to set the posts about Val Jean to invisible since she's not here to defend herself. Also, everyone please refrain from calling Miss Jessie a crazy b*tch.

dragstrip: moderator, is it ok if I call her a crazy a$$ b*tch?

yorkvillgrl: dragstrip, she ain't no crazier then u r! She's a sweet person...she's just misunderstood.

moderator: dragstrip, please refrain from calling Miss Jessie a crazy a$$ b*tch.

dallasangel: ok....what about calling her a crazy old b*tch. Is that ok?

hiramho: or a mean ole b*tch. Can we just call her a mean ole b*tch?

wyattrash: yorkvillegrl, I finally figured out why u think Miss Jessie ain't crazy. U R just as crazy as she is so u just don't know what crazy is.

moderator: everyone, please refrain from referring to Miss Jessie as any kind of b*tch...it's not nice.

meadow: ok....so it's ok to call her just plain b*tch then, right?

moderator: JEEZ - LOUISE!!! NO!!!

rebeluvr: Who's Jeez-Louise? I don't believe I've seen her post here before. Welcome Jeez-Louise to the board....tell us about yourself Jeez-Louise!!!

moderator: ok...I've had it! I'm sending this thread to the Hell Hole and closing it.