Wimpy was our next door neighbor. His real name was Paul, but everyone called him Wimpy...yes, Wimpy as in the old cartoon character that always said "I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today." I don't remember if our Wimpy liked hamburgers, but I do know he liked beer.
Frank lived on the other side of Wimpy. Frank also liked beer. Beer was one of his job benefits because for a while he was a beer distributor.
Remember in the previous posting, I mentioned that all the kids liked to pick on each other? Well, it wasn't just the kids.
Once upon a time, Wimpy got a new car and decided to sell his old one.
He stuck a sign on it with his phone number, parked the car out in his front yard waited for someone to call. And waited. And waited. And waited.
One day, Frank decided to pull one over on Wimpy. (Keep in mind this was WAY before caller id had been invented.)
Frank called up Wimpy and disguised his voice.
F: Hey. A friend o' mine told me you had a car for sale for $1500.
W: Yeah, I do.
F: Well...tell me about it.
W: Well...whaddya wanna know about it?
F: What kind is it?
W: Buick Skylark.
F: What color?
W: Pale yellow with black vinyl top.
F: Run good?
W: Yeah.
F: How many miles on it?
W: Oh, 'bout 70,000.
F: Has it ever been in a wreck?
W: Nope. The body's in good shape and it's got a fresh coat of wax on it.
F: What about the interior?
W: It's clean and looks good.
F: Good tires?
W: Yeah, tires are good.
F: Hmmmm...so why you sellin' it?
W: Got a new one for my wife, I've got a truck, so we really don't need this one.
F: You know what I'd do with it if I were you?
W: What's that?
F: I'd turn it sideways and shove it up your a**, cause ain't nobody in his right mind givin' you $1500 for that piece of sh*t!
Frank then called everyone in the neighborhood and asked them to call Wimpy to ask if anyone had called him about the car.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
There's Something About Cindy
I had absolutely nothing in common with the few girls that lived in my neighborhood. They were either too young for me to play with, too old for me to play with, or just flat out too stupid to even bother with (my stories about Laurie are coming up soon.)
The aforementioned Cindy was about five years older than me. For whatever reason, she would pile her hair underneath this little flat orange hat. If you ever watched the Fat Albert cartoon, there was a character on there named Rudy who wore a hat similar to Cindy's. Don't get Rudy mixed up with Mushmouth, cuz Mushmouth wore a ski mask.
She acted like she was tough stuff, but she was really just all talk. She had absolutely no sense of humor. Everyone in our neighborhood constantly played jokes on each other; no one meant any harm to anyone. It was done completely out of boredom and it was a harmless way to amuse ourselves....and no one was exempt. That's just the way it was.
We hid each other's bicycles. We told each other that their mother was calling them when we knew she wasn't. We'd tell the little kids that we saw the ice cream truck on the back street so they'd run in the house and beg their mama for ice cream money and get mad when she wouldn't give it to them. We'd argue over whose daddy could beat up the other daddys. (All of our fathers got along with each other just fine; but to hear us tell it, every daddy on Grace Street had beat up at least 100 other daddys.)
Anyway, we played together and we picked on each other. It was just fun.
Apparently, Cindy did not see things that way. She was CONSTANTLY in big sister mode with regards to her brothers and if she even SUSPECTED that you were picking on them, then you were going to get the world famous "Cindy Stare-down."
She would do this thing where she would stand out on her driveway with her hands on her hips, that stupid little hat pulled low across her eyes, with her head lifted up so she could see underneath the brow....and stare you down. I guess it was supposed to scare us or something. If you closed your eyes, you could almost hear the theme from "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly."
All of that changed when she started dating Tiny.
Tiny was our garbage man. I have no idea what his real name was, but his nickname was Tiny....but he was not. I think the garbage truck actually belonged to his dad. I just remember that on the side of the garbage compactor in big letters it said "Haulin' For Jesus."
One day, Tiny came down the street in his "Haulin' for Jesus" garbage truck as we were riding our bikes. Cindy happened to be outside and she and Tiny were talking. After he threw the Baskins' garbage up into the compactor, we heard Tiny holler out "I'll be back here around 7" and Cindy said "OK" and she ran back into the house.
We all looked at one another and immediately made a beeline for the Baskin house. My brother asked the million dollar question...."How come Tiny's coming back here tonight?"
Stanley said, "He's taking Cindy to a movie."
So....all of us being the nosy little kids we were, gathered on our carport around 7 to see the spectacle. This was not just me and my two brothers....this was just about every kid on our street.
A car pulled into the Baskin's driveway and out jumped Tiny. We were all standing there, so we decided to do what most nosy little kids would do. We all hollered out "Hey Tiny!!!"
Tiny didn't look like the Tiny we knew. This Tiny wasn't wearing tore up blue jeans and a dirty white tshirt. This particular Tiny was wearing regular pants with a button down shirt....and he wasn't wearing his garbage gloves.
LeAnn hollered out, "Hey Tiny...how come you're not in your garbage truck?"
Tiny hollered back, "'cause I'm done haulin' trash today."
One of the older boys muttered "Oh yeah?" which made everyone else laugh. Being 12 at the time, I didn't get what was so funny, but I laughed because everyone else was laughing.
Cindy came running out of the house...with that ridiculous orange hat on and got into the car.
And as they backed out of the driveway, we began serenading them with that age-old love song:
Cindy and Tiny sittin' in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Here Cindy comes with a baby carriage
I'd like to be able to give you a happy ending, but Tiny and Cindy eventually broke up. They got mad at one another about something, she pulled the "Cindy Staredown" and I guess it probably scared poor Tiny.
From that point on, Tiny made it a point to not tarry on our street too long when he picked up our garbage.
The aforementioned Cindy was about five years older than me. For whatever reason, she would pile her hair underneath this little flat orange hat. If you ever watched the Fat Albert cartoon, there was a character on there named Rudy who wore a hat similar to Cindy's. Don't get Rudy mixed up with Mushmouth, cuz Mushmouth wore a ski mask.
She acted like she was tough stuff, but she was really just all talk. She had absolutely no sense of humor. Everyone in our neighborhood constantly played jokes on each other; no one meant any harm to anyone. It was done completely out of boredom and it was a harmless way to amuse ourselves....and no one was exempt. That's just the way it was.
We hid each other's bicycles. We told each other that their mother was calling them when we knew she wasn't. We'd tell the little kids that we saw the ice cream truck on the back street so they'd run in the house and beg their mama for ice cream money and get mad when she wouldn't give it to them. We'd argue over whose daddy could beat up the other daddys. (All of our fathers got along with each other just fine; but to hear us tell it, every daddy on Grace Street had beat up at least 100 other daddys.)
Anyway, we played together and we picked on each other. It was just fun.
Apparently, Cindy did not see things that way. She was CONSTANTLY in big sister mode with regards to her brothers and if she even SUSPECTED that you were picking on them, then you were going to get the world famous "Cindy Stare-down."
She would do this thing where she would stand out on her driveway with her hands on her hips, that stupid little hat pulled low across her eyes, with her head lifted up so she could see underneath the brow....and stare you down. I guess it was supposed to scare us or something. If you closed your eyes, you could almost hear the theme from "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly."
All of that changed when she started dating Tiny.
Tiny was our garbage man. I have no idea what his real name was, but his nickname was Tiny....but he was not. I think the garbage truck actually belonged to his dad. I just remember that on the side of the garbage compactor in big letters it said "Haulin' For Jesus."
One day, Tiny came down the street in his "Haulin' for Jesus" garbage truck as we were riding our bikes. Cindy happened to be outside and she and Tiny were talking. After he threw the Baskins' garbage up into the compactor, we heard Tiny holler out "I'll be back here around 7" and Cindy said "OK" and she ran back into the house.
We all looked at one another and immediately made a beeline for the Baskin house. My brother asked the million dollar question...."How come Tiny's coming back here tonight?"
Stanley said, "He's taking Cindy to a movie."
So....all of us being the nosy little kids we were, gathered on our carport around 7 to see the spectacle. This was not just me and my two brothers....this was just about every kid on our street.
A car pulled into the Baskin's driveway and out jumped Tiny. We were all standing there, so we decided to do what most nosy little kids would do. We all hollered out "Hey Tiny!!!"
Tiny didn't look like the Tiny we knew. This Tiny wasn't wearing tore up blue jeans and a dirty white tshirt. This particular Tiny was wearing regular pants with a button down shirt....and he wasn't wearing his garbage gloves.
LeAnn hollered out, "Hey Tiny...how come you're not in your garbage truck?"
Tiny hollered back, "'cause I'm done haulin' trash today."
One of the older boys muttered "Oh yeah?" which made everyone else laugh. Being 12 at the time, I didn't get what was so funny, but I laughed because everyone else was laughing.
Cindy came running out of the house...with that ridiculous orange hat on and got into the car.
And as they backed out of the driveway, we began serenading them with that age-old love song:
Cindy and Tiny sittin' in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Here Cindy comes with a baby carriage
I'd like to be able to give you a happy ending, but Tiny and Cindy eventually broke up. They got mad at one another about something, she pulled the "Cindy Staredown" and I guess it probably scared poor Tiny.
From that point on, Tiny made it a point to not tarry on our street too long when he picked up our garbage.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Life on Grace Street (circa 1962 - 1987)
Grace Street was the name of the street where I grew up.
I never thought too much about it at the time, but there was quite the odd assortment of characters that lived there. I still keep in touch with a few of the former neighbors (the ones that WEREN'T odd!) and inevitably someone will say, "HEY....Remember when...." and we all relive the episode, each person butting in and putting in their details, and we laugh ourselves silly.
So....I decided to tell some of those stories here. Hopefully, it doesn't turn out to be one of those "You had to be there" things.
Here's what the neighborhood was like. (Back then, subdivisions were referred to as "neighborhoods.")
The neighborhood I grew up in was a typical middle class neighborhood. The houses were all one story and they were all built in the early 1960's. We moved into our house in 1962...I was 2 years old.
The houses were 2-3 bedrooms, with either 1 or 1 and 1/2 bathrooms. They were roughly 1300 square feet and one 1/2 to 1 acre lots. The houses had no basements...just crawl spaces. In 1962 they sold for $13,000.
The houses sound small when you think about homes of today, but it was a pretty typical middle class home during that era. You're probably wondering what that has to do with anything, but I wanted to give you a feel for what it was like.
Now...for the neighbors!
In order to have all of this make sense, I guess the best place to start is to list the cast of these stories.....(and there are MANY characters!) I'm going to change up some of the names, but I'm guessing if some of my Grace Street homies accidentally find this page, they'll easily recognize the people.
Let's start with one of the families that supplied an ABUNDANCE of amusement...the Baskin Family....obviously not their real name.
My family had the misfortune of having this family move in next door. (This is where you need to keep the size of these houses in mind.)
The Baskins moved into their house in the early 1970's. If you've ever seen the movie version of the Erskine Caldwell novel "Tobacco Road", the Baskin family was sort of like the Lester Family. Except the Lester family probably had a little bit more class.
The Baskin family consisted of the following:
Carl - The patriarch. He was in his mid 50's and worked for the Atlanta Fire Department. He smoked.
Ruth - The matriarch. She smoked too; she RARELY came out of the house. It's not that she wasn't physically able, she just didn't. We (my brothers and me) referred to her as "the hermit." I know....not nice, but it was the truth. If you ever saw that movie "The Homecoming", the one that the tv show "The Waltons" was based on, Ruth looked and sounded like a really old Patricia Neal with really bad teeth.
Clifton - The eldest son; not sure exactly how old he was, but he moved out of the house shortly after the family moved in and eventually got married. Oh...he worked for the Fire Department, too.
Ray - Next Eldest son. He was a high school senior when they moved in the house. The one thing I remember about him was that he stuttered something awful. And anytime we (my brothers and me) told a story involving Ray, we also included the stuttering. I know.....not nice, but it somehow made the story funnier. Several years after he graduated, he got married and he and his wife remained in this house...along with the REST of the family. (Did I mention this was only a 3 bedroom home?)
Cindy - The only daughter; she was a high school sophomore when they moved in. She had the biggest boobs that anyone living on Grace Street had ever seen. We're talking some SERIOUS boobage; those things were lethal. Just to set the record straight, she had neither the face nor body to go along with it. Again.....I know.....not nice, but you can just ask my brothers, the Rollins brothers, the Jones brothers, Greg Johnson or any of the other kids that lived in that neighborhood and they'll tell you the same thing.
Stanley - He was a couple years younger than me. He was a diabetic and had to give himself insulin shots everyday. He also loved to throw these wonderful pity parties for himself. (A short story for another day.)
Richard - The youngest son. He was a couple of years younger than Stanley and one of those kids that would do anything you told him to do. (Another short story for another day.)
These are some of the reasons why we classified this family as odd:
Ruth kept a real tight rein on Stanley and Richard. They were only allowed to play in their back yard if Cindy was able to sit outside and watch them. They had probably lived in the house for about six months when Ruth finally decided that it was safe to let them play in the back yard unattended; looking back, that probably wasn't a good idea. (Story to come in a minute!)
They were also not allowed to ride their bikes in the street. Keep in mind that most moms were stay at home moms, there were maybe 20 houses on the street, and the peak traffic times on that street were at 6am when most of the dads were going to work and 6pm....when most of the dads were coming home from work.
During the day, we amused ourselves by having bicycle races, seeing who could ride the longest with no hands on the handlebars, etc. Stanley used to beg my younger brother to just ride his bike in front of their house, since Stanley and Richard were only allowed to ride from one edge of their front yard to the other edge of their front yard. (Did I mention that their front yard was fenced in with a chain-link fence?)
When my brother really wanted to tick Stanley off, he would pretend to ride along with Stanley, then bolt like lightening up the street and around the block.
Another thing was the sheer number of people inhabiting this house....and they weren't even Mexican!!! And I haven't even mentioned the dogs, yet! To this day, I still can not imagine what the sleeping arrangements were.
They got the bright idea to get a dog. A Doberman named Cleo. Cleo got lonely. So they got ANOTHER Doberman named Duke. Duke liked Cleo, Cleo liked Duke. They REALLY liked each other and Cleo wound up having a litter of 9 pups as proof.
Did I mention that this was a three bedroom home, with seven people living in it, 2 of whom smoked and eleven dogs living in it? Did I mention they lived next door to us?
So....that's the family, now let's get on with some stories.
I like to call this one "Hang 'Em High". (I love Clint Eastwood and the title sort of ties into this story.) Speaking of which, AMC is showing ALL of the Dirty Harry movies this week. We need more Dirty Harrys in the world.
The story takes place in the Baskin's back yard. Ruth had decided that Cindy no longer had to watch Stanley and Richard when they played in the back yard...considering that Stanley was about 8 and Richard was about 5, this was a good thing...then again, maybe not.
Most of the trees in their backyard were at the very end of the lot. These trees sat on a hill that had a somewhat steep drop. For whatever reason, one of boys had tossed a rope over one of the branches on one of the trees and tied a small loop at the end. Their game was to grab hold of the loop, take a few steps back, then run full tilt to the edge of the hill and swing from the rope.
One day, Stanley and Richard were playing their little game. My brother and I had gotten into a spat with them earlier that day, so we were not on speaking terms. So we decided to do what we normally did if we wanted to p*ss them off. We sat on the property line, stared at them, and pretended like we were talking about them. (Come to think of it, I don't think we were really pretending.)
For whatever reason, Stanley decided to try something different with the swing. He threw the rope over Richard's neck and pushed him off the hill. (I can safely say that he did NOT intentionally attempt to kill his brother....he was just stupid. I think stupidity ran in the family.)
As soon as Richard swung off the hill, Stanley realized that that might not have been such a good idea, so he grabbed Richard, pushed him back up the hill, and took the rope off his neck. It happened so quick, that Richard really didn't have time to get hurt....except for the humongous rope burn around his neck, but he didn't cry.
This happened in the middle of summer, when most boys ran around barefoot, in shorts with no shirt. That rope burn could not be missed.
My brother Dan hollered over to Richard: "You ok Rich?" Stanley said "Shut up...we're still not talkin' to y'all."
Stanley turned to Richard and said, "Now, Richard...you're ok, ok? Just don't say nuthin' and everything'll be ok."
Richard said "OK....I'm going in the house to get some water."
Stanley said, "Look...instead of goin' in the house, why don't you just grab a drink from the hose. It's just as good."
"Yeah, but it ain't cold. I want ice water," said Richard.
"Well, go ahead and run in, but remember, don't say anything cuz you're ok. Just don't say nuthin' and it'll be ok. We don't want to get punished, right?"
Now...I couldn't understand why in the world Stanley thought RICHARD would be getting punished, but this family WAS rather odd.
Anyway, off Richard ran to the house. There was dead silence. Then all of a sudden there was a thunderous "STANLEY!!!!" that was probably heard clear over to Mimosa Circle.
Stanley yelled back, "Ma'am?"
"GET IN HERE........NOW!!!!"
"OK" said Stanley.
Dan and I could smell it....and I'm not talking about smell of stale cigarette smoke intermingled with the smell of eleven Doberman's on a hot summer day. Nope...the air was ripe with the unmistakable smell of an a** whoopin'. It was something that we were intimately familiar with, as were most kids on our street.
This was, after all, back in the early 70's. Time out did not exist as we presently know it and the only kids that got put on restriction had hippies for parents.
Back then, time out was when mamas and daddys had to switch their a** whooper (might be a belt, might be a hickory switch, might be a hand...each mama and daddy had their own special a** whoopin' equipment) over to their other hand so their regular a** whoopin' hand could rest so the a** whoopin' could continue uninterrupted.
You also didn't have to worry about DFACS back then. EVERYBODY got an a** whoopin' at one time or another and most folks my age will tell you that not only did they deserve every one of them, but sometimes it becomes somewhat of a p*ssing contest as to who got the worst a** whoopin' and the stories are told with a certain amount of pride.
Anyway, yep Stanley got an a** whoopin'; we knew because we could hear it. Not that we were trying to listen or anything, but most houses back then did not have central air conditioning so most of them had their windows wide open.
Richard's rope burn eventually healed; the rope was taken down from the tree and it was a long time before Stanley and Richard were allowed to play in the back yard alone.
My brother and I eventually got back on speaking terms with them again....till the next time we had a spat with them.
So much for "Hang 'Em High". Next up, a story I like to call "There's Something About Cindy"....but I'll leave that one for next time. But just to give you a little preview, it involves the garbage man. (Betcha can't wait, huh?)
I never thought too much about it at the time, but there was quite the odd assortment of characters that lived there. I still keep in touch with a few of the former neighbors (the ones that WEREN'T odd!) and inevitably someone will say, "HEY....Remember when...." and we all relive the episode, each person butting in and putting in their details, and we laugh ourselves silly.
So....I decided to tell some of those stories here. Hopefully, it doesn't turn out to be one of those "You had to be there" things.
Here's what the neighborhood was like. (Back then, subdivisions were referred to as "neighborhoods.")
The neighborhood I grew up in was a typical middle class neighborhood. The houses were all one story and they were all built in the early 1960's. We moved into our house in 1962...I was 2 years old.
The houses were 2-3 bedrooms, with either 1 or 1 and 1/2 bathrooms. They were roughly 1300 square feet and one 1/2 to 1 acre lots. The houses had no basements...just crawl spaces. In 1962 they sold for $13,000.
The houses sound small when you think about homes of today, but it was a pretty typical middle class home during that era. You're probably wondering what that has to do with anything, but I wanted to give you a feel for what it was like.
Now...for the neighbors!
In order to have all of this make sense, I guess the best place to start is to list the cast of these stories.....(and there are MANY characters!) I'm going to change up some of the names, but I'm guessing if some of my Grace Street homies accidentally find this page, they'll easily recognize the people.
Let's start with one of the families that supplied an ABUNDANCE of amusement...the Baskin Family....obviously not their real name.
My family had the misfortune of having this family move in next door. (This is where you need to keep the size of these houses in mind.)
The Baskins moved into their house in the early 1970's. If you've ever seen the movie version of the Erskine Caldwell novel "Tobacco Road", the Baskin family was sort of like the Lester Family. Except the Lester family probably had a little bit more class.
The Baskin family consisted of the following:
Carl - The patriarch. He was in his mid 50's and worked for the Atlanta Fire Department. He smoked.
Ruth - The matriarch. She smoked too; she RARELY came out of the house. It's not that she wasn't physically able, she just didn't. We (my brothers and me) referred to her as "the hermit." I know....not nice, but it was the truth. If you ever saw that movie "The Homecoming", the one that the tv show "The Waltons" was based on, Ruth looked and sounded like a really old Patricia Neal with really bad teeth.
Clifton - The eldest son; not sure exactly how old he was, but he moved out of the house shortly after the family moved in and eventually got married. Oh...he worked for the Fire Department, too.
Ray - Next Eldest son. He was a high school senior when they moved in the house. The one thing I remember about him was that he stuttered something awful. And anytime we (my brothers and me) told a story involving Ray, we also included the stuttering. I know.....not nice, but it somehow made the story funnier. Several years after he graduated, he got married and he and his wife remained in this house...along with the REST of the family. (Did I mention this was only a 3 bedroom home?)
Cindy - The only daughter; she was a high school sophomore when they moved in. She had the biggest boobs that anyone living on Grace Street had ever seen. We're talking some SERIOUS boobage; those things were lethal. Just to set the record straight, she had neither the face nor body to go along with it. Again.....I know.....not nice, but you can just ask my brothers, the Rollins brothers, the Jones brothers, Greg Johnson or any of the other kids that lived in that neighborhood and they'll tell you the same thing.
Stanley - He was a couple years younger than me. He was a diabetic and had to give himself insulin shots everyday. He also loved to throw these wonderful pity parties for himself. (A short story for another day.)
Richard - The youngest son. He was a couple of years younger than Stanley and one of those kids that would do anything you told him to do. (Another short story for another day.)
These are some of the reasons why we classified this family as odd:
Ruth kept a real tight rein on Stanley and Richard. They were only allowed to play in their back yard if Cindy was able to sit outside and watch them. They had probably lived in the house for about six months when Ruth finally decided that it was safe to let them play in the back yard unattended; looking back, that probably wasn't a good idea. (Story to come in a minute!)
They were also not allowed to ride their bikes in the street. Keep in mind that most moms were stay at home moms, there were maybe 20 houses on the street, and the peak traffic times on that street were at 6am when most of the dads were going to work and 6pm....when most of the dads were coming home from work.
During the day, we amused ourselves by having bicycle races, seeing who could ride the longest with no hands on the handlebars, etc. Stanley used to beg my younger brother to just ride his bike in front of their house, since Stanley and Richard were only allowed to ride from one edge of their front yard to the other edge of their front yard. (Did I mention that their front yard was fenced in with a chain-link fence?)
When my brother really wanted to tick Stanley off, he would pretend to ride along with Stanley, then bolt like lightening up the street and around the block.
Another thing was the sheer number of people inhabiting this house....and they weren't even Mexican!!! And I haven't even mentioned the dogs, yet! To this day, I still can not imagine what the sleeping arrangements were.
They got the bright idea to get a dog. A Doberman named Cleo. Cleo got lonely. So they got ANOTHER Doberman named Duke. Duke liked Cleo, Cleo liked Duke. They REALLY liked each other and Cleo wound up having a litter of 9 pups as proof.
Did I mention that this was a three bedroom home, with seven people living in it, 2 of whom smoked and eleven dogs living in it? Did I mention they lived next door to us?
So....that's the family, now let's get on with some stories.
I like to call this one "Hang 'Em High". (I love Clint Eastwood and the title sort of ties into this story.) Speaking of which, AMC is showing ALL of the Dirty Harry movies this week. We need more Dirty Harrys in the world.
The story takes place in the Baskin's back yard. Ruth had decided that Cindy no longer had to watch Stanley and Richard when they played in the back yard...considering that Stanley was about 8 and Richard was about 5, this was a good thing...then again, maybe not.
Most of the trees in their backyard were at the very end of the lot. These trees sat on a hill that had a somewhat steep drop. For whatever reason, one of boys had tossed a rope over one of the branches on one of the trees and tied a small loop at the end. Their game was to grab hold of the loop, take a few steps back, then run full tilt to the edge of the hill and swing from the rope.
One day, Stanley and Richard were playing their little game. My brother and I had gotten into a spat with them earlier that day, so we were not on speaking terms. So we decided to do what we normally did if we wanted to p*ss them off. We sat on the property line, stared at them, and pretended like we were talking about them. (Come to think of it, I don't think we were really pretending.)
For whatever reason, Stanley decided to try something different with the swing. He threw the rope over Richard's neck and pushed him off the hill. (I can safely say that he did NOT intentionally attempt to kill his brother....he was just stupid. I think stupidity ran in the family.)
As soon as Richard swung off the hill, Stanley realized that that might not have been such a good idea, so he grabbed Richard, pushed him back up the hill, and took the rope off his neck. It happened so quick, that Richard really didn't have time to get hurt....except for the humongous rope burn around his neck, but he didn't cry.
This happened in the middle of summer, when most boys ran around barefoot, in shorts with no shirt. That rope burn could not be missed.
My brother Dan hollered over to Richard: "You ok Rich?" Stanley said "Shut up...we're still not talkin' to y'all."
Stanley turned to Richard and said, "Now, Richard...you're ok, ok? Just don't say nuthin' and everything'll be ok."
Richard said "OK....I'm going in the house to get some water."
Stanley said, "Look...instead of goin' in the house, why don't you just grab a drink from the hose. It's just as good."
"Yeah, but it ain't cold. I want ice water," said Richard.
"Well, go ahead and run in, but remember, don't say anything cuz you're ok. Just don't say nuthin' and it'll be ok. We don't want to get punished, right?"
Now...I couldn't understand why in the world Stanley thought RICHARD would be getting punished, but this family WAS rather odd.
Anyway, off Richard ran to the house. There was dead silence. Then all of a sudden there was a thunderous "STANLEY!!!!" that was probably heard clear over to Mimosa Circle.
Stanley yelled back, "Ma'am?"
"GET IN HERE........NOW!!!!"
"OK" said Stanley.
Dan and I could smell it....and I'm not talking about smell of stale cigarette smoke intermingled with the smell of eleven Doberman's on a hot summer day. Nope...the air was ripe with the unmistakable smell of an a** whoopin'. It was something that we were intimately familiar with, as were most kids on our street.
This was, after all, back in the early 70's. Time out did not exist as we presently know it and the only kids that got put on restriction had hippies for parents.
Back then, time out was when mamas and daddys had to switch their a** whooper (might be a belt, might be a hickory switch, might be a hand...each mama and daddy had their own special a** whoopin' equipment) over to their other hand so their regular a** whoopin' hand could rest so the a** whoopin' could continue uninterrupted.
You also didn't have to worry about DFACS back then. EVERYBODY got an a** whoopin' at one time or another and most folks my age will tell you that not only did they deserve every one of them, but sometimes it becomes somewhat of a p*ssing contest as to who got the worst a** whoopin' and the stories are told with a certain amount of pride.
Anyway, yep Stanley got an a** whoopin'; we knew because we could hear it. Not that we were trying to listen or anything, but most houses back then did not have central air conditioning so most of them had their windows wide open.
Richard's rope burn eventually healed; the rope was taken down from the tree and it was a long time before Stanley and Richard were allowed to play in the back yard alone.
My brother and I eventually got back on speaking terms with them again....till the next time we had a spat with them.
So much for "Hang 'Em High". Next up, a story I like to call "There's Something About Cindy"....but I'll leave that one for next time. But just to give you a little preview, it involves the garbage man. (Betcha can't wait, huh?)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Amazing Facts
Amazing IT Facts
Fact: A printer will not print if it is not turned on.
Fact: If you submit a job and it does not finish right away, submitting it again will not make the first job complete. Submitting it ten times does not make it go faster.
Fact: If you do not know what your password is, I don't either.
Fact: Mr. Zuhamfa from Nigeria is not going to give you $1.5 million dollars if you wire him your bank account number along with $5oo to pay for the release fees.
Fact: If an IT administrator sends out an email saying under no circumstances should you open an email with a subject line "Hey Stupid....Open This", there will be at least 15 people that will open that email when they receive it.
Amazing Facts of Life:
Fact: You don't tug on Superman's cape.
Fact: You don't spit into the wind.
Fact: You don't "drop the kids off at the pool", when the water's off in the building.
(Plea: If the water is off in the building, and you've already "dropped some of the kids of in the pool", don't get up and go to ANOTHER pool to let ANOTHER load of kids out. That bus needs to stay parked at one pool, and one pool only. If at all possible, you should try to convince the kids to go to the pool at home.)
Fact: There is a true story behind the previous fact. It's hysterical....at least I thought so, but then I'm weird like that. But you do NOT want to hear it during lunch.
Facts about the economy:
Fact: Over 1000 applicants lined up for 35 firefighters jobs in Florida.
Fact: Over 1000 applicants lined up for 600 openings at a Kia plant in LaGrange, Georgia.
Fact: Benjamin was not among those applicants.
Fact: A printer will not print if it is not turned on.
Fact: If you submit a job and it does not finish right away, submitting it again will not make the first job complete. Submitting it ten times does not make it go faster.
Fact: If you do not know what your password is, I don't either.
Fact: Mr. Zuhamfa from Nigeria is not going to give you $1.5 million dollars if you wire him your bank account number along with $5oo to pay for the release fees.
Fact: If an IT administrator sends out an email saying under no circumstances should you open an email with a subject line "Hey Stupid....Open This", there will be at least 15 people that will open that email when they receive it.
Amazing Facts of Life:
Fact: You don't tug on Superman's cape.
Fact: You don't spit into the wind.
Fact: You don't "drop the kids off at the pool", when the water's off in the building.
(Plea: If the water is off in the building, and you've already "dropped some of the kids of in the pool", don't get up and go to ANOTHER pool to let ANOTHER load of kids out. That bus needs to stay parked at one pool, and one pool only. If at all possible, you should try to convince the kids to go to the pool at home.)
Fact: There is a true story behind the previous fact. It's hysterical....at least I thought so, but then I'm weird like that. But you do NOT want to hear it during lunch.
Facts about the economy:
Fact: Over 1000 applicants lined up for 35 firefighters jobs in Florida.
Fact: Over 1000 applicants lined up for 600 openings at a Kia plant in LaGrange, Georgia.
Fact: Benjamin was not among those applicants.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)