Slowly , but surely, I am making a miraculous recovery from the Paulding County Plague.
Actually, if I didn't know better, I would say that I might have had a touch of that swine flu that has been going around.
I haven't been to Mexico, but on Wednesday morning I stopped at the McDonalds on Hwy 41 and got a sausage biscuit. It was served to me by a little Mexican girl at the drive thru. Shortly thereafter, I developed a small tingle in the back of my throat and by Wednesday afternoon it had developed into a full on sore throat. Coincidence? Maybe.....maybe not.
Anyway, I didn't bother going into work on Thursday for several reasons....the first being that I really felt like absolute crap. Secondly, I didn't want to be the cause of anyone catching this mess and blaming it on me because I decided to drag myself in and cough and hack all over the place. And lastly....well.....my boss was on vacation. So, why not?
The only down side to the whole thing was that it was a gorgeous week, I didn't go to work on Thursday or Friday and I slept all day on both days. Plus, several people knew that my birthday this weekend and they also knew that my boss was on vacation this week so I'm sure there was some eyeball rolling going on when they found out I was sick.
So....for all the naysayers.....I have the used Kleenex to prove it!
Speaking of which.....a long time ago, I said that I wished that someone would invent a pill to take so that when you got a cold, you could take the pill and then just blow your nose continuously for about 24 hours.
Well...there is such a pill. It's called Mucinex D. Except you just blow your nose continuously for about 48 to 72 hours. Mucinex D is like ExLax for the nose. You take that pill and just wait. When that thing hits, you better have a couple of boxes of Kleenex handy because it becomes snot city in no time.
OK....so Thursday and Friday I was pretty much out of it.
Saturday was the day that my parents were traveling back from Florida, so I just pretty much did what I did on Thursday and Friday....slept. Until my parents got home.
So they arrived back home around 5:00. I came over and my older brother and sister in law came over. My parents dog had roomed with Ron and Nancy during the week, so they brought her back home.
And here's where the fun begins.
First off, let me explain a little something about my brother and sister in law. They live in this uber-cool log home in Cartersville. The house absolutely kicks a$$. Seriously. Huge living room, upstairs loft master bedroom, two smaller downstairs bedrooms and a basement. UIt's just the right size for the two of them.
The really cool thing is that to get to the house, you have to go up this narrow, winding road and because of the location, it's almost like being in Highlands, NC. Some of the houses near theirs are ALSO log, but some are these HUGE estate mini mansions, but it is just so neat!
Unfortunately, one of the downsides of having a log home is that apparently carpenter bees love them. These nasty little bugs will drill a perfectly round hole into a plank of wood and lay a carpenter bee egg so that these future spawn can come alive and do even MORE damage.
So....part of our family conversation on Saturday night was the carpenter bee issue. They've returned and are once again eating into the wood of my brother's home.
As luck would have it, in my Mucinex-induced coma on Saturday, I vaguely remembered hearing the Saturday morning bug guy show on WSB radio. Someone had called in wanting to know how to get rid of carpenter bees.
According to the bug guy, most of the insectides for these bees are useless because the government has outlawed the most effective chemicals. (Thanks, government!)
So...the bug guy suggested getting an oversized badmittton racket and beating the sh*t out of them when you see them.
I relayed that bit of expert advice to Nancy.
Here's where it gets funny!
My dad left the room for a minute and returned with this yellow badmitton racket....except it wasn't really a racket.
He handed it to Nancy and told her to try it.
He said...."Here's what you do. When you see the bee, you just mash this black button and just put the thing over the bee. But you have to make sure you have the button mashed when you put it on the bee."
Nancy said "What happens?"
Ron said "Give it to me. I see a mosquito.....let me try."
Nancy handed him the racket. Ron waited for the mosquito to land, then he mashed the button and put the racket over the mosquito.
"ZAP!!!! Sizzle........" and the mosquito immediately became a crispy critter. It was SO COOL!!!
That thing wasn't a racket....it was a hand held bug zapper!
My mom saw another mosquito. Nancy said "Let me try!!!!" Ron gave the racket back to her.
The mosquito landed....Nancy mashed the button and placed the racket over the mosquito.
"ZAP!!!! Sizzle........" Crispy critter number two!
We all had a great laugh with it. Turns out this thing is part of my dad's spring and summer entertainment! When he sits outside, he has this thing with him and when the mosquitos buzz by, he zaps them.
Their neighbors put in an above ground pool last year and the mosquitos have been heavier than in the past. My dad said that they came over one night because they heard the SNAP, CRACKLE, POP, ZAP and thought there was some sort of electrical problem with my dad's flood lights. Nope.....just my dad zapping skeeters!
So Nancy was extremely excited to have a weapon against the carpenter bees.
Can't wait to hear how it turned out!
Now....Mother's Day is coming up. Want a great gift idea? Hand held bug zapper. She'll love it.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
....And now, for a little something different!
It's different because this is a serious of links that I think are quite entertaining. The subject is "Alli".
For those of you who do not know, Alli is a weight loss drug that has some rather, er...interesting side effects.
Link #1: Alli Side Effects in Layman's Terms
Which brings us to the main topic: Adventures with Alli
Someone on one of my message boards began experimenting with Alli and posted her experiences on the message board. Her stories are quite entertaining to say the least. She never says if she actually has helped her lose weight, but quite frankly....Alli is just one mean b*tch.
So.....I bring to you, Adventures with Alli. Enjoy!
Link #2: Meet Alli
Link #3: Dining with Alli
Link #4: Lunch Date with Alli (Read the entire thread, because there is a separate post about the Wrath of Alli.)
Link #5: Alli goes to CVS
There are more adventures, but they are in a password protected forum because some people got offended. You know how it is, you can't say squat anymore without someone getting their panties in a knot about it.
Anyway, if you know of anyone toying with the idea of befriending Alli, you might want to warn them.
For those of you who do not know, Alli is a weight loss drug that has some rather, er...interesting side effects.
Link #1: Alli Side Effects in Layman's Terms
Which brings us to the main topic: Adventures with Alli
Someone on one of my message boards began experimenting with Alli and posted her experiences on the message board. Her stories are quite entertaining to say the least. She never says if she actually has helped her lose weight, but quite frankly....Alli is just one mean b*tch.
So.....I bring to you, Adventures with Alli. Enjoy!
Link #2: Meet Alli
Link #3: Dining with Alli
Link #4: Lunch Date with Alli (Read the entire thread, because there is a separate post about the Wrath of Alli.)
Link #5: Alli goes to CVS
There are more adventures, but they are in a password protected forum because some people got offended. You know how it is, you can't say squat anymore without someone getting their panties in a knot about it.
Anyway, if you know of anyone toying with the idea of befriending Alli, you might want to warn them.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
A Mystery.................
I was all set to introduce yet another family on Grace Street, but The Bucketheads will have to until the next installment. However, due to a special request I'm writing on a different topic.
Years ago at a place I used to work, the ladies room was sort of an imaginary fantasyland. Part of it, I'll admit was part of my own doing.
The door to the ladies room faced the door going out to the office lobby. One night as we were leaving the office, someone was leaving the ladies room. One of my male coworkers noticed that there was a sofa alongside on of the walls.
"Good Grief!!!! You women have a sofa in there? We don't have anything like that in the mens room. When we don't feel good, we just stay home."
So....me being me, told him that we had the sofa because we needed a place to sit while Consuela makes our margaritas.
"Who the h*ll is Consuela?" he asked.
"Our ladies room attendant."
"I'm not buying the margarita BS....but y'all don't actually have a ladies room attendant, do you?"
Well....I figured if he was actually stupid enough to believe that, why not carry it further?
"Sure. Consuela is great. She can do manicures, pedicures, she listens to us b*tch about the men in the off.....oops! She listens to us vent about work, and she keeps the bathroom neat as a pin."
"Oh that's a load of crap. How come I've never seen her?"
"Well....have you ever been in the ladies room?"
"Never mind.....holler in there and tell her to come out."
"Can't."
"How come?"
"Consuela's deaf."
Well, word went around the office about that little story and with embellishment from other women in the office, pretty soon our small ladies room, with three stalls, three sinks, a wall mirror, a broken products machine, and a ragged old sofa also had a bar, an office for the shy and deaf Consuela, and Consuela also now had an assistant named Paloma. Our wonderful ladies room also had a margarita machine, massage table, and an adjustable chair that we used whenever Consuela cut our hair or gave us pedicures. Paloma handled our manicures.
Even the president of the company was impressed. He had his own private bathroom that just had a toilet and sink. But, as far as he was concerned, since Consuela and Paloma worked for tips only, they weren't costing the company anything so he was fine with it.
Which brings us to today......well, actually yesterday since I worked from home today.
There have been major strides lately in the office ladies room where I currently work. (Actually, the fact that essentials such as soap and paper towels are stocked somewhat regularly rather than the previous semi annual schedule is a major stride.)
While there is no Consuela or Paloma, no massage table, bar, margarita machine, etc....there apparently has been a new addition. A radio. A radio that is tuned to an oldies station.
Why?, you must be asking. Well, therein lies the mystery.
My guess is that my request for a jukebox was shot down so the radio was a cheap substitute. (No....I did not request a jukebox! That was a JOKE! Although......there *IS* a suggestion box in the breakroom......hmm. Maybe I ought to put that request in just to see if it gets a response.)
When I first saw the radio, I thought maybe someone had just left it in there to recharge the battery or something, but every cubicle has an electrical outlet so that was out.
So...I have no idea as to the purpose of this radio. I have no idea if there is a radio in the mens room and I don't really care enough to find out.
However, if word gets out that there is a radio in the ladies room, someone may just decide to squeal equal rights and demand one for the mens room.
But I still would like to know the thinking behind this decision.
But now that we have it, I think a few suggestions are in order.
I think that the stations need to be rotated so that everyone gets to listen to their favorite music. One day can be urban/rap day (I'm not going to push for that, though), another day can be country day, another day can be talk radio day. I'll be Neal Boortz would be rather impressed that he is playing in the second floor ladies room of our office. Take that, El Rushbo!
For our next request, I think we need a phone. That way, if we're in there when the radio station is having a contest for say....caller 98 wins a cruise, we've got the phone right there. Actually, if we want to get even more ridiculous, every STALL needs it's own phone. That way, no one has to trip over themselves to get to the one phone.
Oh wait....even better! Stick a few pcs in there two. Desktops, though, not notebooks. The way people have been crashing notebooks lately, someone is liable to flush one and I don't think the chief in charge of approving notebook purchases would be very happy. Although, I can think of a few people that are perfectly capable of attempting to flush a desktop down the toilet and when asked why they would pull an Urkel and say "Did I do that?"
I'm going to just leave it at that. Oh, and by the way.....just in case a certain someone who is on vacation and shall remain nameless is beginning to freak out at that thought of installing phones and desktops pcs in the ladies room......I'm KIDDING!!!! (But, I'm seriously considering asking about that jukebox, though.)
Years ago at a place I used to work, the ladies room was sort of an imaginary fantasyland. Part of it, I'll admit was part of my own doing.
The door to the ladies room faced the door going out to the office lobby. One night as we were leaving the office, someone was leaving the ladies room. One of my male coworkers noticed that there was a sofa alongside on of the walls.
"Good Grief!!!! You women have a sofa in there? We don't have anything like that in the mens room. When we don't feel good, we just stay home."
So....me being me, told him that we had the sofa because we needed a place to sit while Consuela makes our margaritas.
"Who the h*ll is Consuela?" he asked.
"Our ladies room attendant."
"I'm not buying the margarita BS....but y'all don't actually have a ladies room attendant, do you?"
Well....I figured if he was actually stupid enough to believe that, why not carry it further?
"Sure. Consuela is great. She can do manicures, pedicures, she listens to us b*tch about the men in the off.....oops! She listens to us vent about work, and she keeps the bathroom neat as a pin."
"Oh that's a load of crap. How come I've never seen her?"
"Well....have you ever been in the ladies room?"
"Never mind.....holler in there and tell her to come out."
"Can't."
"How come?"
"Consuela's deaf."
Well, word went around the office about that little story and with embellishment from other women in the office, pretty soon our small ladies room, with three stalls, three sinks, a wall mirror, a broken products machine, and a ragged old sofa also had a bar, an office for the shy and deaf Consuela, and Consuela also now had an assistant named Paloma. Our wonderful ladies room also had a margarita machine, massage table, and an adjustable chair that we used whenever Consuela cut our hair or gave us pedicures. Paloma handled our manicures.
Even the president of the company was impressed. He had his own private bathroom that just had a toilet and sink. But, as far as he was concerned, since Consuela and Paloma worked for tips only, they weren't costing the company anything so he was fine with it.
Which brings us to today......well, actually yesterday since I worked from home today.
There have been major strides lately in the office ladies room where I currently work. (Actually, the fact that essentials such as soap and paper towels are stocked somewhat regularly rather than the previous semi annual schedule is a major stride.)
While there is no Consuela or Paloma, no massage table, bar, margarita machine, etc....there apparently has been a new addition. A radio. A radio that is tuned to an oldies station.
Why?, you must be asking. Well, therein lies the mystery.
My guess is that my request for a jukebox was shot down so the radio was a cheap substitute. (No....I did not request a jukebox! That was a JOKE! Although......there *IS* a suggestion box in the breakroom......hmm. Maybe I ought to put that request in just to see if it gets a response.)
When I first saw the radio, I thought maybe someone had just left it in there to recharge the battery or something, but every cubicle has an electrical outlet so that was out.
So...I have no idea as to the purpose of this radio. I have no idea if there is a radio in the mens room and I don't really care enough to find out.
However, if word gets out that there is a radio in the ladies room, someone may just decide to squeal equal rights and demand one for the mens room.
But I still would like to know the thinking behind this decision.
But now that we have it, I think a few suggestions are in order.
I think that the stations need to be rotated so that everyone gets to listen to their favorite music. One day can be urban/rap day (I'm not going to push for that, though), another day can be country day, another day can be talk radio day. I'll be Neal Boortz would be rather impressed that he is playing in the second floor ladies room of our office. Take that, El Rushbo!
For our next request, I think we need a phone. That way, if we're in there when the radio station is having a contest for say....caller 98 wins a cruise, we've got the phone right there. Actually, if we want to get even more ridiculous, every STALL needs it's own phone. That way, no one has to trip over themselves to get to the one phone.
Oh wait....even better! Stick a few pcs in there two. Desktops, though, not notebooks. The way people have been crashing notebooks lately, someone is liable to flush one and I don't think the chief in charge of approving notebook purchases would be very happy. Although, I can think of a few people that are perfectly capable of attempting to flush a desktop down the toilet and when asked why they would pull an Urkel and say "Did I do that?"
I'm going to just leave it at that. Oh, and by the way.....just in case a certain someone who is on vacation and shall remain nameless is beginning to freak out at that thought of installing phones and desktops pcs in the ladies room......I'm KIDDING!!!! (But, I'm seriously considering asking about that jukebox, though.)
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