Bedtime Stories

Our house was a three bedroom house.

Until I was about six, I shared a room with my younger brother. This was primarily due to the fact that I had been told that there was a crazy woman that roamed the streets at night peeking in people's windows.

My brother was three years younger and did not realize the peril of this situation, but at least it was another body in the room. Plus, I made sure he got the bed next to the window just in case the aforementioned crazy woman stopped by.

Eventually, though, it was decided that since I was the lone girl, I would have my own room and my brothers would bunk together. I tried to talk my brother into staying, but when my parents bought them bunk beds, that pretty much sealed the deal. They immediately began arguing over who got the top bunk.

When we were in elementary school, our bedtime was usually around 8:30. My parents stayed up for a little while longer watching TV.

Since someone already knew I didn't like to sleep alone, he took it upon himself to tiptoe quietly down the hall and crawl into my room. I usually faced the window so I could keep a lookout for Mrs. Bittles. Ron was a pretty good tiptoer and crawler, so I rarely heard him. He'd crawl underneath my bed, kick and punch my mattress (scaring the crap out of me!) then be back in his room before my parents came to see what was going on.

I told them Ronnie came in to scare me, but then he would appear in my doorway, yawning and stretching, and asking "What happened?" (Like he didn't know.)

After I had calmed down, I made my plan for revenge. I pretended to be asleep by snoring loudly...and then I would begin lightly scratching the walls with my fingers.

I'd hear Danny ask Ron "What was that?"

He'd say "Oh, it was just Annette tryin' to scare us."

"No....I don't think so, she's asleep." My snoring was quite convincing, and the added whistle at the end like they did in cartoons just made it even more believable, if I do say so myself.

Then I'd say in real high pitched voice "oooohhhhh......I'm going to peek in this window and git somebody."

Usually, this would result in my older brother laughing because he knew it was me, my younger brother crying because he believed it was Mrs. Bittles, and my dad coming down the hall saying he was going to be blistering some butts if we didn't go to sleep.

He'd go back in the den to watch TV. It was at that moment that we did something that "The Waltons" stole from us. I'd say "nite Ronnie." Ronnie would say "nite Annette, nite Danny." Danny would say "nite Ronnie, nite Annette." Then I'd say "nite Danny, nite Ronnie." Ronnie would say "you already said nite to me." Then we'd begin arguing over who we had said good nite to and who was owned a good nite..

My dad would make another trip down the hall. "I thought I told y'all to get to sleep. If I hear one more peep out of any of you, you won't be able to sit down for a week." Then he'd retreat back to the den.

I'd hear Ronnie whisper to Dan, "peep, peep, peep." Dan and I would begin snickering. Then Ronnie would holler to my dad that Danny and I were keeping him awake.

Danny and I would then begin saying "UH-UH!! Ronnie started it."

Ronnie would say "No, I didn't. You and Danny are just tryin' to get my in trouble."

It was usually around this time that my dad would come back down the hall...but he wouldn't be alone. In his hand, he held.....a belt. A belt that we were all familiar with.

When the belt appeared, it was time to go to sleep. Usually, the belt just made a quick visit to our respective bedrooms. My dad didn't have to say anything. He just stood in the doorway with the belt in plain view. It was a scene straight out of a Clint Eastwood western. He'd turn, and leave....just like The Man With No Name in "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly."

That visit was usually enough to know that the nighttime frivolity was over. If the belt had to make another trip down the hall, it wasn't not going to be a pleasure trip.

After watching a few episodes of "Supernanny", our bedroom routine was eerily similar to some of those heathens Nanny Jo has to deal with every week.

Except for one thing.

Someone needs to introduce Nanny Jo to "the belt." I guarantee you she could probably get those kids to pipe down and go to sleep in 15 minutes.