Reunion Aftermath......

There is a reason I haven't mentioned this blog to my family.....because I'd probably be disowned.

Well, not really, but at the very least it would be a situation where people would say "Better not say nothin' 'bout this to you-know-who lest it be broadcast out on the internet for everybody else in the free world to read about it."

Well, maybe not even that....probably just a "I wished you hadn't written about THAT of all things!"

But this was just too dang rich to pass up, so I thought I'd just tell y'all all about it.

Now....if you remember way back when, I had written a little piece about all of the trials and tribulations of planning a family reunion. If you've forgotten about it or need a refresher, then click here.

Well, for the last several months there has been a little mini drama going on within the family...and like I said, it is just too rich to NOT write about.

First off, in case some of my family stumbles on this blog accidentally, you will note that the names have been changed to protect the guilty. For everyone else, to keep things simple I'm going to substitute the actual names with the names characters from the TV show Dallas.

Now for the setting. There was a minor bruhaha at the reunion last year.

My dad's cousin Sue Ellen had been out to the old family cemetery and noted that it was in a real sad state.

This cemetery sits way out in the middle of nowhere. My great grandparents, great great grandparents, and assorted great aunts uncles and cousins are buried there. The cemetery probably has about 30 graves and it's been about 70-80 years since anyone was buried there.

Being that it is an old family cemetery, there is no perpetual care, so it is up to the remaining family to care for it. Unfortunately, age and/or distance keeps the family from properly maintaining the cemetery and as a result it has become overgrown with weeds, fallen trees, etc.

Sue Ellen decided to do something about the situation. So she started putting feelers out prior to the reunion. Her idea was to take up a collection at the reunion, pay someone to come out with a bush hog and clear out the brush and trees, and then use whatever money was left to have someone come out periodically during the spring and summer to keep the cemetery mowed. She mentioned this idea in passing to several family members and MOST (emphasis on MOST!) everyone was in agreement that this was a good idea.

So....the day of the reunion, we were met in the parking lot by my dad's cousin Cliff Barnes. Cliff was just a fussin'. He was all p*ssed off with Sue Ellen because he had gotten wind that she was going to stand up during the reunion begging for money to clear out that cemetery and he just wasn't havin' it! He didn't care nuttin' 'bout that old cemetery and not everybody has the money that Sue Ellen has and if that growed up old cemetery bugs Sue Ellen so much then she should just open up her own dang pocketbook and pay for it her own dang self. (Well....he didn't say that exactly, but that was the jist of it.)

This is also the same cousin that was p*ssed because this reunion was costing him $5 a head for his crowd (which consists of his wife, two sons in their mid 50's one of which is a pharmacist, their wives, and one grandchild and why in the world his sons couldn't pay the $5 bucks for their own wives and kid is beyond me.) and not everybody has that kind of money, but since this was a reunion he figured he'd come. I guess that was his way of letting us know that we should all be greatful for his presence.

OK...so far, Cliff is p*ssed off at having to pay $35 for an 7 people to have an all you can eat meal of catered BBQ, Brunwick stew, and a ton of homemade covered side dishes and desserts and even more p*ssed off at the thought of being asked to pay to help clean off the cemetery that his grandparents are buried in.....and he wanted to get some people on his side.

So as he was just a fussin' at us about it, someone else drove up and we ran over to them to do the Southern "hug hug kiss kiss how you been good to see you" thing and left Cliff to attack someone else.

Well, he found an easy target. Gary and his brother Ray were the oldest cousins and they were just as stingy. They had already heard about Sue Ellen's little plan and they were all prepared to let her have it with both barrels when the subject came up.

So, fast forward a little bit. Dinner is finished and Sue Ellen stands up to give her little speech. She had already found someone willing to clear out the underbrush for around $200 and she was looking in to getting someone to do the mowing. She had already figured that if it was mowed at least every other month in the spring and summer that would be enough to keep the weeds at bay and the biggest expense would be the inital clearing.

She said that she was going to pass the hat and asked everyone to just give whatever they could, IF they could. In other words, she understood that some might not be able to give at all, and some might could only spare a few bucks so there was no pressure or obligation.

Cliff, Gary, and Ray all stood at the back of the fellowship hall and all three of them were scowling. You could tell they were ROYALLY p*ssed.

Sue Ellen's husband, JR was an attorney. JR said to keep everything on the up and up, he was going to set up an account at the local bank to deposit the money into and for us to appoint two people to be in charge of the account. He would send statements to anyone who wanted it so they could see what was being deposited and withdrawn.

JR said that if we were going to retain someone to do the mowing, we were going to need enough money in the account to pay the mower. Someone would need to see that the cemetery was actually being mowed and then make sure the mower got paid. When the account funds got low, they would need to let JR know so that he could let everyone else know that it was time to take up another collection for the account.

Everyone agreed...well, almost everyone...but those three just kept their mouths shut. (I liked how Gary and Ray were going to give it to Sue Ellen with both barrels, but when the time came that just sat there and looked p*ssed.)

Most everyone kicked in about $20 a piece....when the three a$$holes saw that everyone else was giving without b*tching, they went ahead and kicked in their $20, too.....even though I'm sure it almost killed them to do it.

All in all, more than enough was collected to clear the cemetery and take care of mowing for a while.

Now....let's fast forward to a few months ago.

For reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with this story, Sue Ellen got a divorce. Totally unexpected, but the circumstances were warranted.

My uncle found heard this news by accident and initially passed it off as small town gossip. But since it had been a while since he had talked to Sue Ellen he decided to call her. During the course of the conversation, she broke the news to my uncle and explained what had happened.

My uncle told her how sorry he was to hear about it and to let him know if there was anything he could do.

Then he immediately got on the phone, called my dad and told him the whole saga. My dad hated to hear about it as well.

Now....(here's where it gets funny!)

My dad's cousin Cliff Barnes calls up my uncle a few days later. After the customary "how you doing, I'm fine, etc" Cliff says to my uncle "Hey....I heard a story this afternoon and I didn't know if it was true or not. You heard anything about Sue Ellen and JR gettin' a divorce?"

My uncle said "Yeah....it's true. I talked to Sue Ellen the other day and she told me. I really hated to hear about it."

(I swear on a stack of Bibles that Cliff said this!) "Well, me too 'cause where's that leave that $20 I gave her last year at the reunion?"

Not "What happened?" "How's she doing?" "What are her plans?" "How are the kids?" "Is she living in the house or is she moving?" No....nothing like that. Cliff didn't give a rat's a$$ about Sue Ellen's predicament....he wanted to know what come of his $20!

Of course, this is the same Cliff that years ago actually MADE his mother in law give him 5 cents whenever she drank a coke at his house....well, that's what I heard anyway.

Well, that just sort of flew all over my uncle, who could not wait to tell my dad....who in turn could not wait to tell the rest of us. When he told me, I actually thought he was joking...then I realized he was dead serious! I kicked in $20 myself at that reunion and I had actually forgotten all about it until my dad was telling me what Cliff had said. I told my dad I just couldn't believe that Cliff was still aggravated about handing over $20 to clean off a cemetery.

Seriously, about $400 was collected that day. After shelling out $200 to clear the cemetery and and another $50 for a couple of mowings, it's not like there was enough left in there for someone to take it and run off to the Caribbean and remain there for the rest of their life.

Later on, my dad and my uncle spoke again. My uncle said he had talked to Sue Ellen again and she was hanging in there. They were going to get together for dinner later on in the week. Then he and my dad began talking about Cliff, Gary, and Ray.

Both of them were laughing about Cliff, Gary, and Ray cussing the day they handed that $20 over. My uncle then came up with a brilliant idea. He said when he met up with Sue Ellen, he was going to tell her she needed to call Cliff because he was about to sh*t all over himself about that $20 he gave her to clean off the cemetery. (That's a direct quote and I just laugh at the mental image!)

I told my dad that that I thought someone needed to call Cliff and tell him they were getting ready to plan another family reunion, same menu, same price, and we needed to pass the hat for the cemetery cleaning. My dad said he really WOULD sh*t all over himself then.

The sad thing is that I love doing family research. One thing that is really stressed in the books is to find out as much as you can from your relatives while you can because they won't be around forever. Write down the family stories so that your future descendants can know more about your life, your personality, what you were like, etc. Census records, birth and death records only state names and dates, but they don't present the true picture of your ancestors. It's the stories that bring the ancestor to life.

I can see the reasoning behind this, but I swear if my descendants knew some of these stories (this one being a prime example) they would think some of these people were crazier than bat sh*t.

So to set the record straight, Cliff, JR, and Gary, along with Devil Spawn, his parents and grandparents are the crazy ones. The rest of us are fairly sane.....we just like to keep the pot stirred and laugh at the rest of them.