Adventures With Walker And Aston

I have two Jack Russell Terriers.

Walker is the alpha dog and he was the first that was brought into our family. He is headstrong as the day is long. If he doesn’t want to do something, then dang it he don’t want to do it so leave him alone!

For instance, if I say “Walker! Come!” He might come to me…...if he feels like it.

On the other hand, if he’s doing something more important, like licking himself, wallering around in what interesting smell he has found in the yard, or smelling of his sister’s rear end, then he’ll just give me a “scr*w you!” look and continue on with whatever he is doing.

If I say “Walker….COME!” louder and more forcefully, then he just stops whatever he is doing, sits down, and gives me a “make me” look.

If I say “WALKER!!!! COME!!!!” even more louder and more forcefully, he just yawns.

I now know how my mom felt whenever she caught me or my brothers up to no good.

Walker expects to be treated like royalty. It is said that protocol dictates that if you happen to meet the Queen of England, you DO NOT touch her.

Walker feels the same way regarding himself.

Therefore, should you happen to meet Walker, you do not touch…..only if he invites you to do so. He will let you know by scratching on your leg and wagging his tail. Otherwise, it would be best if you just politely nodded your head as you pass by. Bowing and curtseying is up to the individual.

A couple of years after Walker came into the family, we decided he needed a companion. So we got Aston.

I’ve yet to figure Aston out. In some respects, she is amazingly smart, but I swear sometimes she acts like the ditziest blonde in the world.

For example, whenever she becomes too rambunctious with her toys (which is every time), I take them away from her. At one time, I would put them on a table across from our sofa.

One day, I was upstairs and kept hearing this thump downstairs. So I went down to investigate. Aston was climbing on the back of the sofa, running across the back and was jumping “Superman-style” trying to get on the table to get her ball.....unsuccessfully. Her toys now go in a closet.

Yesterday I carried her outside on a leash. I was sitting on my back deck talking on the phone while she strolled around the yard. Pretty soon, she decided to go underneath the deck. When she came out, her leash had gotten wrapped around one of the support beams.

She looked at me like “How do I get out of here….help me.”

So, I told her to go around the pole. She looked at me even more helplessly. So I told her once again to go around the pole…..I even make a little circle jester with my finger. She wagged her tail and promptly walked around the pole again. The problem was that she walked in the wrong direction, wrapping the leash around the pole even tighter.

Like I said, so smart....yet so.....ditzy.

They both love to play a fun little game that my brother and I invented when we were younger. I never told Walker and Aston about it, so I’m not sure how they learned about it. It’s called “Let’s See How We Can Annoy Mom When She’s On The Phone.”

In my brother’s and my version, we would play “Army” when mom got on the phone. “Army” consisted of getting mom's cast iron skillets from underneath the stove and using them as shields while we threw little plastic green army men at each other. As the game went on, we threw the army men harder and harder at each other. Eventually, one of us would get mad at the other and begin chasing the other around the room trying to hit them with the cast iron skillet.

My poor mom could not even carry on a decent conversation without every other sentence telling both of us she was going to beat our butts when she got off the phone.

In Aston and Walker’s version, I can’t carry on a decent conversation without either one of them telling me to get off the damn phone and look at them.

Here's what transpired today.....

Me: Hello?

Caller: Hey! Are you doing anything Saturday afternoon? Do you want to go to the movies with me?

Walker and Aston: rarararararararara! (translation: who the hell is that? Tell them you’ll call back later.)

Me: What do you want to see?

Walker and Aston: rarararararararara! (translation: Excuse you! Did you not hear what we said? Get off the phone!)

Caller: That new Sandra Bullock movie looks like it would be good. What’s wrong with your dogs?

Walker and Aston: rarararrararara! rararararararara! (translation: tell that cow to mind her own d@mn business! Just hang up on her! Besides that, you know that cat of hers? She's a ho-bag....it's all over the neighborhood.)

Me: Nothing is wrong with them. They do this every time I get on the phone.

Caller: Seriously? Why?

Walker and Aston: rarararararara (growl) rararararara (snarl!) rarararararara! (translation: in case you can’t tell, we’re really getting p*ssed right about now. You got five seconds to get off that phone or one of us is going to poop on the floor. Onnneeee…..Twoooo….Aston, I saw you snitch fried chicken from the garbage, so yours is bound to be good and runny. Go get into position! Three---eee, Fou-uurr....)

Me: Because I’m talking to you and not paying attention to them, that’s why….(as I eye Aston walking to the middle of the living room and preparing to squat.) ASTON......NO-OOOOO!!!

Caller: WHAT IS IT?????

Me: I’ll have to call you back! CLICK!!!!

Walker and Aston: softly whimpering, wagging their tails, and licking my face (translation: now where were we? Oh yeah, you were scratching my ears and Aston’s belly. Carry on……)