Is It Just Me?

There's a couple of things that have been bugging me for quite a while. I've never said anything to anybody because I thought maybe it was just me....then again, maybe not.

See what you think.

Think about the most mundane things that you do each and everyday. You don't even think about doing them, you just do it.

Have you got your list? Good! Now....try paring it down a little bit. Concentrate on those things that you can do in a minute or less. (Bear with me....this does have a point.)

Got that list pared down? GREAT!!!

Now....let's just go through that list, shall we? It probably contains stuff like this.......

Drink a glass of water
Pour a cup of coffee
Stop at the mailbox in the evening to pick up the mail
Check the answering machine
Change the TV channel
Tie your shoe

OK...Now let's get a little bit more personal.

That list probably looks like this........

Wash your hands
Change underwear
Gargle
Bathroom stuff.....I'm just going to stop right there....but you can just use your imagination to complete that list.

Now....what exactly does this have to do with anything you're probably asking yourself?

Well....think about this for a minute.

Is there ANYTHING on either of these two lists that would make you say "DANG! I'm just too busy to take care of that today! I know it's got to be done, but I'm just so BUSY!!! Plus, if I didn't have to (fill in any one of those items above), it would leave me more time to do more things like spend time with my grandkids."

Which brings me to my point....what the h*ll does Sally Field have going on in her life that she can't take one minute out of her day to take a pill?

She just rags on and on about how busy she is, but this "once a month Boniva" is da flippin' bomb because she only has to take it ONCE A FLIPPIN' MONTH and now she has all this spare time now to waller around on a dang Twister mat (which I didn't even know they still made) with her granddaughter.

Now take a look at that second list I made.

If poor, pitiful Sally hasn't got time to take a pill every day, does that mean that she doesn't have time to do any of the items on THAT list?

Does this mean that if Sally had her druthers, she'd only wash her hands, change her underwear, etc. once a month?

If so, then dang sure I wouldn't want her playing with my kids (if I had any!) or waller around on my Twister mat!

I mean, come on Sally! I hate to be the one to tell you this, but people talk....especially that Hollywood crowd.

I'm sure that the dress designers draw straws to see who gets "stuck" dressing you for those red carpet affairs. I can hear that conversation now....

Famous Designer Number 1: "She wanted to borrow one of my dresses for the Globes. I told her flat out that the ONLY way she was wearing one of MY creations was if I could hose her down first and slap some of my designer underwear on her...at least then I'd know for sure that she was clean."

"But Miss Fancy Pants said NO!!!! She didn't have time! So I told her fine....take her smelly self over to Stella McCartney or Donatella Versace's, then. I think she FINALLY wound up having to buy something off the rack at Nordstrom's. Then she tried to return it the next day. Anne Klein told me that she heard that after she left, the store had to call in a hazmat team to dispose of the outfit."

"I heard that this new designer made the mistake of loaning her a white number for the Emmys. When she brought it back it had a big brown spot on the backside. She CLAIMED she sat on some melted chocolate chips. But the designer said it didn't smell like chocolate to him if you get my drift. Then he heard all these stories and put two and two together.....and got "number two." Obviously she was too busy to make a trip to the bathroom and too busy to invest in a box of Depends."

Famous Designer Number 2: "You think THAT'S bad? Wolfgang Puck was mighty PO'd after the last Oscar bash. Little Miss THANG hussied herself right up to the front of the food line and started serving herself and had her hands all in the food. Everyone KNOWS she doesn't wash her hands, so of course, NO ONE wanted to eat the food after she passed through. Puck said he had to throw away enough Kobe steaks to make 300 head of cattle and enough salad to build a Brazillian rain forest. She doesn't know it, but Gordon Ramsey is in charge of the next bash.....you just KNOW he's going to rip her a new one if she crosses him."

"I felt so sorry for poor Tori Spelling and Lindsey Lohan, though. Both of them had fasted all day so they could pig out and puke later on...you know that crazy diet they're both on. Anyway, after seeing Sally handle all the food, they both wound up having dry heaves all evening. I spoke to Tori about it the next day and she said it actually worked out ok. She dry heaved so much her abs are like a washboard now!"

Now...that little rant is over with. So....let's move on to the other item that is bothering me.

That item would be Jamie Lee Curtis.

Jamie, hon, I know everyone gets irregular, but no one runs around advertising it.

And the ones that do, I try to steer clear of.

I mean, seriously....there's some things that are just better left private. Your husband might be interested (if he's into that sort of thing) but believe me, the rest of America doesn't give a crap! (HAHA....sorry, I couldn't resist!)

Plus, I don't see that if that product takes a whole two weeks to actually work that it's all that special. Come on....what's so great about that? Ex-Lax only takes 24 hours.....so nanner, nanner, na, na.

Here's an idea that is so much simpler.

Hire that Michael Myers dude to hide in your house! Give him a knife and a mask, and have him jump out of your closets, out from under your bed, whip open the shower curtain when you're bathing, etc.

My guess is that will scare the crap out of you toot-sweet.

That sure beats two weeks....beats 24 hours, too.

It's just a thought.