Bill O'Reilly

Bill O'Reilly......what can I say? It's the same thing, night after night after night. Most of the time, I agree with him, but I swear he just comes across as a pompous jerk most of the time.

Typical Episode of The O'Reilly Factor:

O'Reilly: Well, Typical First Guest....I've read your book and it sucked. I'm right and you're wrong. What say you?

Typical First Guest: Exactly what sucked about it, Bill? I need specifics!

O'Reilly: What do you need to know? It sucked. It sucked because I said so. I'm right and everyone watching knows I'm right.

Typical First Guest: Well, I'd like to know exactly what I wrote that makes you have that opinion.

O'Reilly: What???? Go read your book and you will see exactly why it sucked.

Typical First Guest: Bill, I have read it. I wrote it, remember? Now, wha---

O'Reilly: We're running out of time here...30 seconds I'll give you the last word.

Typical First Guest: Ok. I---

O'Reilly: There you have it....you had the last word, actually you had two. Folks, if you want to read a sucky book, the name of it is My Book Sucks....at your bookstores now. Stay tuned for Ann Coulter! In the NO SPIN ZONE.

(cue commercial)

O'Reilly: Our next guest is Ann Coulter. Ann, welcome. You wrote something mean in your book. Why?

Ann Coulter: I didn't write anything mean. I just wrote the truth.

O'Reilly: No...it was mean. It was mean because I said it was mean. C'mon Ann, admit it....I'm right.

Ann Coulter: No, Bill, you are NOT right. Look, I've backed up what I wrote with fact after fact after fact. It's there in black and white. You can't argue with facts, Bill.

O'Reilly: Look, Ann. Obviously you do not know me very well. I make a living arguing. You say the sky is blue, I say it isn't. You say the glass is half full, I say it isn't. You know why? Because I'm right, that's why. But, we only have a few seconds left, so I'll give you the last word.

Ann Coulter: A$$hole.

O'Reilly: OK...coming up is a segment we call Pinhead or Patriot. We'll be right back in the NO SPIN ZONE!

(cue commercial)

O'Reilly: Ok.....welcome back to the NO SPIN ZONE. It's time for our Pinhead or Patriot segment. This person said I suck...therefore he is a PINHEAD. This person just bent over backwards to tell me how wonderful I am. You, sir are a true PATRIOT. That's about all the time we have this evening. Remember to buy your Factor Gear and go to my website and buy my book and read lots more that I am right about. Stay tuned next for Hannity and Colmes.