Don't Mess With Ma

My brother and I were talking swapping stories about my grandmother the other weekend. He shared one with me that I had not heard before that was just typical of my grandmother.

Now, before I go any further, I just want to preface this entry to go on record that none of us were abused as children. My parents did not do timeout, go stand in the corner, go to your room, etc. When we did something wrong, we got a whipping. If we got a whipping, then believe me we deserved it.

That said, when we stayed with my grandparents, the same rules applied. We did something wrong, my grandparents thought nothing of "tearing up some tails" as they liked to call it. Fortunately, we didn't give them too much reason to tear up our tails, but it did happen occasionally.

So for this entry, I decided to do something different. I took my brother Ron's story and wrote a song about it.

I call it "Don't Mess With Ma" and you sing it to "The Ballad of the Green Berets".....you know the song ("Silver Wings upon their chest, these are men, America's best..etc).

So....here's "Don't Mess With Ma"

My father’s mom

We called her Ma

And his dad

We called him Pa

At Ma and Pa’s

We spent our days

On our summer

getaways

Five feet two

150 pounds

Her eyes were blue

Her hair was brown

You better do

Just what Ma say

Or there would be

Some hell to pay

Ron and Fred

were about six

Played outside

throwing sticks

Ma told them stop

you’ll break a glass

And then I’ll have

to beat your ass

Then Ma left

to watch her soaps

Ron and Fred

were two young dopes

One threw a stick

and shattered glass

They knew right then

their ass was grass

Ron and Fred

they ran away

hid in the barn

The rest of the day

Until Ma yelled

it’s time to eat

She sounded calm

She sounded sweet

Ron and Fred

thought coast was clear

They turned and grinned

from ear to ear

Ma forgot

what she had said

So off they ran

to get fed

Then Ma met

them at the door

She said Look!

What’s on the floor?

Ron and Fred

They looked straight down

Then looked up

And turned around

There stood Ma

She was no fool

Ron and Fred

Had broke her rule

Suddenly

Her arm did twitch

And it held

A hickory switch

Hickory switch

Big long and brown

And on each butt

It went to town

Then Ma said

I’m done today

But next time

Do what I say

Two red butts

Four eyes of red

Ron and Fred

Ran straight to bed

They knew then

Ma don’t forget

Lesson learned

You heed Ma’s threat

Five feet two

150 pounds

Her eyes were blue

Her hair was brown

We learned to watch

For that arm twitch

Don’t mess with Ma

She’ll use her switch