Excuse me......I speak jive

I haven't written in a while so I thought I'd update everyone on what has been going on with me.

Times are getting tough and scarier, so I thought it might be a good idea to learn some new things that I could either use in my current job, or use in a different job should the need ever arise.

Now, the one thing that I have always heard is that it is considered to be a plus if you are able to speak more than one language. I can attest to this. Every once in a while, I hear a page over our office intercom requesting anyone that speaks French or Spanish to call the operator to help with an international call.

I know a little bit of Spanish and a little bit of German, but I don't have that much opportunity to use either. But there is one language that I hear used quite extensively through the United States, so I've decided to learn it. The course is free (which is great) and there is no book.

It takes me a while to put together a coherent sentence, but I'm hoping with practice that I can speak it fluently with no accent. My first homework assignment was to write about whatever I wanted. This was what I turned in.....let me know what you think!

'Sup hos and bros? How my homies?

Yo! SF be in dah houze....chillin'. Yea, I be chillin' in my crib wit my home dawgs, Da Walkman and Little A.

Da Walkman....he so stoopid! Check it out....bro be trippin' all over da place. He see a bro on TV, he trip out. He see tree rat run up a tree, he trip out. He see dat Shamu guy pushin' dat Smak Slop doo-dad on TV, he trip out.

I bout ready to smak a doo rag on his head and tell him he need to hook up wid a gang if he thank he so bad. Fo shizzle. He thank he one bada$$ pit bull, but the minute he hear thunder, he act like a lil 'beotch.

Little A....she just a lazy beeotch. All she do is lay 'round actin' all Oprah.....feed me, pet me, wait on my a$$. Only time she be trippin' be if you eatin' and you ain't sharin'. Then she go all Whitney on yo a$$.

Dat dawg be WHAK! (True dat.)

Word up!

So...whatchall thank 'bout dis sh*t wid O-man and my man, da big DC?

O-man, he be dissin' all ovah my man W.

DC....he one mean dude. You don cross DC....know what I'm sayin'?

DC, he just haul up and just b*tch slap O-man! Made O-man look like a d@mn fool. O-man say W and DC, dey too mean to dem gitmo mo fos. Dis mess be all DARE fault. He say "I jus keepin it real....keepin it real."

I'm like....Say WHAT????

DC....he like WTF? You must be trippin'. Seriously. O-man, you a d@mn fool. You think you can just go all Oprah and Dr. Phil on dem Gitmo mo fos....son.......dey crazy! In the words of mah man dah late, great Fred Sanford....YOU BIG DUMMY! You wan close Gitmo. Fine. Do dat. Where you gone send those mo fos? Here? Dude, you crazy! You do dat, den you tell ole Tupak DC say hey when you see him, cause you prolly gone meet him if you bring 'em here. Know what I'm sayin'?...and dat's a fact!

And O-man....he like, y'all jus need to chill out. Check it out....we gone lock des suckas up in Supermax. No one 'scapes from Supermax, ya know what I'm sayin'? For real.

And DC...he like, Dude....you IS crazy. Listen homeboy....Bros don't WANT dem suckas here. Understand? Bros will kick yo a$$ if you bring dem dudes here....dem suckas is WHAK to da MAX! Understand? You thank you got a mess with ole Joe Biden? H*ll, Joe Biden prolly go visit dem suckas in da Supermax and give 'em the key to get out. Den what happens? Whatchu gone do den? Say, well dat's jus Joe actin' da fool. Das jus Joe bein' Joe. I got news for you. Joe be a dumba$$. And you be a d@mn fool if you bring dem suckas here. Now who's keepin' it real? You just do what you want....I'm just sayin'.

O-man...he jes pop a tude, and he say looka heah....what we need to do is start a dialogue with all these peeps that don' like us. See.....what we do is have 'em over to mah crib....or there crib....whatever they want. I bring along a couple cases of Colt and some Schlitz, some weed, and a couple buckets of Popeye's chicken and we have us a dialogue. I say...'sup? And we go from dare.

DC....(ya gotta love ole' DC) ....DC, he jes shake his head at O-man. He say O-man....get real! You want dialogue? I got yo dialogue. I got yo dialogue rightchere. How's dis for dialogue? Iran, you listenin'? FU! Korea? You listenin? FU2!! What about Syria? Is Syria in da houz? Hey Syria? Here's yo dialogue! Syria, yo mama so ugly she make a onion cry! How you like dat dialogue? How 'bout dis one? Iran, yo mama's like a liberry...she open to da public! Korea....I can't leave out Korea....Korea, yo mama so ugly when she was born yo granmama said "What a treasure"....and yo grandaddy he say "True dat.....let's go bury it." Houz dat fo dialogue? Who's yo daddy!!!!

O-man.....he be trippin' all over hisself, but he act so cool. He say DC tryin' to lay some smackdown on Iran an Syria an Korea, but all he do is jes make 'em more mad. You know he jus wanna tell his posse to busta cap in DC's a$$, but DC, he has his own posse and they can poppa cap, too.

Plus...O-man's posse is raggin' big time 'bout ole' Nancy Pelosi calling them G-Men suckas a bunch a liars. G-Menfolk is like da Bloods...you lay down some smak talk 'bout one G-Man, you talkin' smak 'bout ALL G-Men. O-Man's done tole da b*tch to shut da hell up, but she jes keep runnin' off at da mouth. Joe and Nancy be punkin' O-Man all da time....like he don have enough to worry about he gotta worry bout both them whoobangin' an talkin' smak.

DC...he all over hisself. You know he hittin' up W every night and both them jes a-laughin, sayin' dah you believe dis sh*t? Dah you BAH-LIEVE dis SH*T???? Day so crazy. Day thank day is all dat, but day all so stoopid. Sh****t. Day both prolly burn up all day anytime minutes jes laughin' the fool.

W...he prolly say, "DC you da man. Straight up dude, you oughta make a go for it in 2012."

DC...he prolly say, "W....man what in da h*ll you smokin'? You CRAZY? Naw, I ain't runnin' fo nuttin'. But I jes like puttin' O-Man on the blast....ya know? He dissin' you, he dissin' me, he dissin' K-Rover....hell he'd dis his own mama if he thought it buy him one mo vote. Ya know whad I'm sayin'? He stand up dare like he all dat, and all the peoples jes ben over backards to kiss his backside. I ain't takin' dat sh*t dude....he gone dis me, I'm gonna call da brudah out. Ya know what I'm sayin?

W...he say True dat, homeboy, true dat. D....I love ya, man.

DC..he say...knock it off W. Don go all queen on me.

W...he say I ain't going all queen on nobody. You just my homeboy number 1....and dat's a fact.

DC...he say W....you my homeboy numba 1, too.

DC be quintensensual cool. He's dah real deal.

And W.....he off da heezy fo sheezy. Now you wanna talk bout keepin' it real...W be keepin' it real. Word.

Well....peace out, peeps.