An Open Letter to the President

Dear Mr. President:

I know you have a lot on your plate these days, what with that swine...er...H1N1 virus going around, picking up puppy poo in the Oval Office, trying to do damage control because of Jacka$$ Joe's latest remarks, etc.

I'm sure that you are well aware that the American public is becoming increasingly angry. They are angry that their tax dollars are being wasted, they are angry that the deficit has increased to an unheard of amount, and they are angry that they are going to be taxed on anything and everything.

Obviously, you are well aware of the outrage when it was reported that executives of companies that received bail out money were given bonuses.

Well, something in America's heartland is brewing and I feel it is my duty as an American citizen to forewarn you because I'm afraid that if something is not done to remedy this situation there may be rioting in cities across America.

Please review the following videos:





As you can see, this situation could very well create panic in the streets.

I don't mean to play Monday morning quarterback, but I have a few suggestions that could possibly quell this situation.

I think you should immediately call a press conference and assure the American people that there is more than an adequate supply of chickens and you have authorized emergency legislation that would provide chicken farmers with $1.5 billion dollars in order to increase chicken production.

I think you should reassure the American people that the Department of Homeland Security is closely monitoring the situation and has established a system called the Chicken Threat Level in order to alert and advise the general public of the probability of chicken shortages. Green = Low, Blue = Guarded, Yellow = Elevated, Orange = High, and Red = Severe.

Secondly, taking a suggestion from one of the people on the video, sign an Executive Order that will station one refrigerator truck loaded with chicken outside of each and every chicken restaurant in America so that no restaurant will EVER run out of chickens.

This will create thousands of new jobs because someone would not only need to stock the trucks with chickens, but someone would also have to drive the truck back and forth from the chicken restaurant to the chicken distribution center.

Lastly, you should announce that you are going to appoint a special prosecutor to investigate the owner of the Popeye's Chicken in Minnesota for not participating in the nationally advertised promotion of eight pieces of chicken for $4.99.

This was a blatant act act of price gouging in that the owner of this franchise KNEW that as the owner of the ONLY Popeye's in Minnesota that there would be a run on chicken and that by selling nine pieces of chicken for $9.99 he was obviously taking advantage of the situation in order to line his own pockets. I'd be willing to be that the owner is a Republican.

Anyway, I offer these suggestions to you because I'd hate for the Republicans to point to the Popeye's Chicken Scandal of 2009 as your "Katrina moment" in your reelection campaign in 2012.

Sincerely,

A Concerned American Citizen